Looked the Gift Horse in the Mouth

[TSquared2]

I just don't know if I can be the one who gives up on the family. And I'm sure that is how H would spin this. "mom made me leave".

Chances are, your kids already know the truth....so they won't buy whatever H may try to sell...kids are soooo much more perceptive than we give credit for.

I am copying the below from from my own "done" info gathered from here...maybe it will help some?

Told W that I agree with her: Our marriage is over, I don't know why I didn't realize it a long time ago. I told her to get a L and that I would do the same. If she won't leave, she needed to sleep on the couch. I am not going anywhere and not leaving my kids. She chose this, not me, and she needs to be the one to go. Also, we need to tell the kids that mom is the one who wants this, not dad.


Whenever she tells you what you are doing, thinking, feeling or might do. She's mind reading and needs to be called out on it. Ever heard this, "You are just doing that to make yourself feel better."

"No wife it is not fake. If you really want to know what I am thinking then just ask."


Here is how you lead.

"Wife, you asked the other day what we are going to do. Here is what I decided. I won't live in a open marriage. Unless you break off all contact and we have complete transparency, meaning I have access to your e-mail, cell phone and know where you are going to be. If you can't agree to that then this marriage is over and I won't move out of my house. . If you do agree to that then we will attend MC together and work on the issues that keep us from feeling loved and respected to each other."

Then don't be the next one to speak. She's either in or out. You are letting her off the hook, she get's to choose. You will look attractive to her because you stood up for yourself, your marriage and fought for her. You are leading your family. She will test you, be prepared. She wants to know you are strong and steadfast.

"Sorry honey, that my completely rational answer that would be accepted by anyone not in an affair and looking for the slightest reason to be annoyed by me so as to justify her looking outside the marriage is not acceptable to you."

Not all may be appropriate, but maybe there is some useful things and ideas for plans B and C...

I feel for you, I know that if I have evidence or a strong, gut feeling of a return to full-on replay (again) from W, then I would be right where you are...we have similar $$$ issues and the confinement and limited options of that scenario...hang in there!!! And breathe deeply as much as you can!

T^2