wife wants her space, doesnt know who she is

[mastersolo]

its been awhile since ive posted so here is an update-

right now the W and are on a split week schedule with the kids so im no longer seeing her everyother day which is somewhat helping me detach from her.
i have been doing pretty good at GAL, which basically consists of me taking up offers from people to hang out.
as far as the job hunt goes its kinda at a stand still, but my parents business in the past week/week and a half is starting to pick up so its providing me with some pretty good income. problem with that is my W has never liked me working for/with my father/parents because she says they spoiled me growing up and because my dad has some bad habbits. which really [censored] because if the business gets going i can make quite a bit of money. its kinda interesting because at one point in our marriage she was completly for me starting the business with my dad, but im sure she lost faith as month by month year by year it failed to take off and stay consistant.
last night i called to say goodnight to my S5 and some how i found myself wanting to talk to her and with that came me bringing up relationship talk(yes, i know thats a no no) she said that she wishes i would get it in my head that we are over and she doesnt know what to do to get it through my head. she then said that she thinks im trying to control the situation because i had thought this saturday night it was her night to have the boys, so she said she thinks im trying to control when she can go out by giving her the kids every weekend which i told her next weekend its my saturday so she is free to do what she wants. she then stated that on the 20th she is going out for a friends bday and asked if i could take the kids and before i could reply she said that she could just find a babysitter. i told her that im not trying to control anything, but i dont like you going out because i feel like with the state of mind your in if i guy were to try and woo you, you would go for it, and if your looking to date then im not sure what is stopping your from filing for a D because i feel like if your wanting to date then kinda a sign your really over it. she then went on to say ok then do you want to go down and file? and of course i said NO, do you? and she said no. so i asked her what she wanted to do. and she said she wants to remain separated to make sure we arent being irrational.
so with ALL that being said im so darn confused! she says there is no shot at us reconciling but then says she just wants to remain separated and not divorce... im pretty lost. but im continuing to try and not contact her or worry what she is doing(tho i seem to always wondering where she is and who she is with and what she is doing) im continuing to take friends and fmaily up on there offers to do things. so im doing one step at a time.

i finish DB and tomorrow will be renting DR, not sure what that book is about but i guess ill find out. also i was wondering if i should read the 5 love languages? would it help in my sitch?

on a side note a couple sundays ago i met her at the mall to get the kids because she was there getting my son ice cream, when i got in there i walked with them a little and out of no where she asked if i wanted to get some appitizers at red robin, i said sure because i figured my kids would love it. while we were there we were having a normal family like dinner and i had cracked a joke and she started laughing then looked me straight in the eye and was like "i hate how i can be mad at you and hate you yet you can still make me laugh." when we were about to leave my S5 asked if she was coming home and she looked at me so i asked her "are you?" and she ended up coming home with me. we put the kids to bed early together then watched a movie cuddles and had sexy time and everything. when we went to bed we both slept in the same bed and i was cuddling her and she said with a tear in her eye ( she was facing away from me but i could tell she was tearin up)i wish you would change. and i told her im better then i used to be but no where i wanna be.
but then the next day its like it never happened. which again confused the hell outta me.

ok im done rambling. have a great day everyone!!!

with patients i will succeed!