My wife wants to separate

[Grocerykartman]

Niceguy,

In fact she is really my only true friend because everyone else seems to want someone from me.

This is the most striking thing of your whole post to me, believe it or not. I would ask you to answer the following questions:

Can you elaborate? Why do you say that? What are the kinds of things people want from you? Other than your business partner that did not pan out, would you say your best 1 or 2 friends also seem to do this a lot?

There were several times during that period where she was going to end the relationship but we always patched things up and moved on.

Can you elaborate?

But, I also know he is not really her type as far as looks go, and also he really cannot afford her. He told her he would get a second job if he had to. [quote=niceguy34]

You asked "what do I do?" This is an example of a thought process you need to STOP IMMEDIATELY. Because your are spending your time thinking, judging, assuming, and at least mildly obsessing about this guy. You have spent a lot of energy characterizing him. Do not spend one more ounce of energy comparing yourself to him.

Why? Because you know you are the better option, right?

Or do you?

Really think about this...everytime you compare him to you, you are actually second-guessing yourself. Cadet is right in his previous post, you have been given the gift of time, and I would also say, space here. With this gift, you can either stand pat with the way you act and spend your thoughts and energy cutting down the other guy...OR...you can dismiss the other guy's existance entirely and use the time you are separated from her to vastly improve and reinvent yourself for YOU, not for her.

So like I said, this means..stop thinking things like:

[quote=niceguy34]I know she will realize sooner or later this guy is a loser (he has a crappy job and has to pay child support for a 12 year old son he has). He does not have the ability to pay for her for anything.

and

The OM is not at all domestic i have discovered. So I am trying to show my strengths and contrast them with his weaknesses ....I can cook he cant. I am smart and me and her like to talk politics and he really doesnt know anything about politics and would rather play video games all night...lame.

If all these contrasts were enough to keep her with you, she wouldn't be doing any of these things. If cooking and politics were higher on her prioroty list right now than the affection she's getting from the other guy right now, she wouldn't be going to see him either. I think she has already made the conscentious decision to swap your ability to talk politics and your cooking (and so much more that you do have to offer) for his affection. And that's not even counting the time she is missing with her daughter.

So, in short, I would advise you to NOT think that by doing more of what you already can do is going to weigh in your favor of making her reconsider. She's already decided that's not enough at this particular window of her life.

It's up to you to grow now, and become an even better, independent person, for YOU, with no expectations of your wife that she will change her behavior, just the strong hope that she will.

[quote=niceguy34]...i think she suffers from the grass is greener syndrome. She will realize at some point it is not, but i cant wait! i want my wife back. I want my family back. I can't stand that this guy is getting so much attention from my life partner![quote=niceguy34]

Take a long deep breath, and RELAX. I know it probably seems almost impossible to at the moment. Best thing you can do is relax. And take note, that the last statement of your post, the actual conclusion, is that you can't stand that this guy is getting so much attention from your life partner. That's the thinking you need to evolve from.

Disregard him. Work on yourself.