3 Years after D-Day, part 2. Separated 9 Months.

[Am I Too Late]

I finally heard from my W, for the first time since the day before Thanksgiving, which has now been 16 days, requesting a visit with our S9 this Saturday.

We already have plans to travel and attend my entire extended family Christmas party. which we go to every year. So, i wonder if this is an opportunity to point out her affects of her alcohol relapse or if i just keep it short and tell her about our plans for the family party.

Here is her e-mail and my Draft i wrote, just to vent.....

Wife's:

It's been an exceptionally rough couple Weeks for me. Please forgive my distance. First was having issue with phone, struggled like crazy to get couple bills paid. Been having huge problems with car. Took that in finally the other day. Apparently I need a new car. Trans is pretty much shot and back driver side spring broken. World cost over 4000. Mechanic shop strongly recommended don't bother fixing out it.I hurt a rib at work. That's just been an added bother on top of everything else. I have been struggling to get hours at work. We signed new contact finally but it's not good. I myself voted against it. Anyway that's what's been going on with me. Saturday is W's pregnant sisters baby shower. could I meet you at karate and pick up Son for it? Her fathers ex-wife and her pregnant sister and her sisters friend would like to see him and girl cousin be there and has been asking if he can come. I'm sorry for my distance. It was much harder getting through holidays then I ever imagined, now add vehicle, financial, and medical, yes just not been good. But something hit me the other day. I can sit hear sad and feeling sorry for myself or I can get off my ass and do all I can to fix it.I'm choosing the getting off my ass one. Please let me know today about tomorrow. I can get him to yoyo whenever you need him back. Shower is from 2 to like 4 or 5.

My Not Sent Draft:

. My Sweet Dear Wife's Name,

Firstly, we are going away on Saturday for a family Christmas Party and will not be back until Sunday night.

I feel so bad for all that you are going through. It still hurts me deeply to watch the one person i still love go through continual physical, financial and emotional pain.

Yet, how much you have blinded yourself to what has changed in you and your life since you started drinking again.

You have changed your principals and thinking so drastically, yet when a person is active on their addiction, they only seek out people who support the destructive behavior.

If you think i am being mean, self righteous and judgmental, nothing could be farther from the truth. I have significant faults too and am continually trying to become a more constructive and compassionate man and father. I initially desired to prove to you that i would do anything to become the best husband you could ever have prayed for, but now it's for my own growth.

Have you tried to examine what choices you have made and actions done and not done since you started your relapse? You fell into the trap of following in the footsteps of your moms relapses when you were growing up

As a matter of fact, do you recall saying, "Oh, i just realized that i relapsed at the exact same age as my moms worst relapse. I guess i have 10 years of F'ing up my life before i start to get my chit back together."

When you 1st moved out and i told Our Son and asked him how he was feeling, he said, "Well, i thought i would be sad, but I'm only a little bit sad, because mama is never around and doesn't ever do anything with us anyways." And, "Mama is not part of the family. You and me are the family dada."

Have you ever seen yourself and your actions through your childs eyes before?

You haven't made financial responsibility for our son a priority for his well being, yet you are out at bars until closing time partying and having a good time with all your new drinking buddies so frequently that you proudly boast that the one place is Wife's Name bar.

Have you ever thought of the consequences to our son for the rest of his life due to your new drinking lifestyle? Think back on how you felt about your mom when she was partying and put more priority in that than she did on you. History repeats itself. The best predictor of future behavior is the current and past behavior.

Two months before your mom got sick, you wrote, "When i die, i want to be remembered for being a good wife, a good mother and a good friend." Another point you felt at that time, was, "Too many women are way too selfish and want more out of life instead of being content with what they have. They become greedy, always seeking to be happier, but happiness can only be had by being grateful for what you have. These women wind up wondering why they are called sluts, when all they do is cheat on their husbands and act provocatively with other men."

I intentionally only used your own words and Our Sons own words, so that it wasn't me making those statements.

What i feel is that you are still lost. I still believe that the Wife's Name that i knew before and committed my love to is still there, but buried in resentment so much that she can't forgive me for my mistakes and that will remain buried as long as you remain addicted to your alcoholism and partying ways.

I will assist you in any way possible if you ever want to reach out for help with your drinking.

End.

I think it's too much of a blame and guilt trip, yet i wonder if it might prompt her to think about her drinking and consequences.

Any suggestions?

Me