Not sure we're still on, I didn't DB very good this AM. I fell asleep before she got home but sort of woke up and I think I asked if they went out after work (stupid sleep fog I don't really remember though or if she even answered). This morning she was in a really crappy mood and I asked if everything was ok. She snapped and instead of letting it go I asked her what I did and what changed since she got back. She went off and said she doesn't owe me any answers, her decision hasn't changed, she thinks it's weird i snuggle her at night, blah, blah, blah. I was a little surprised with that much attitude and I'm sure my face showed it. She said nothing happened with her family and i said obviously, we were getting along ok before you left and not since. She said she is just tired but i noted she only seems to be "tired" toward me and that has been her standard response for years and i wished she would just tell me what was wrong. She said we start getting along just to make things easier and I get hope and then I get crushed. I said I always have hope and I agreed that patterns she admits to always doing isn't healthy and is an issue we've had. Got on topic that we never resolved issues and just brushing things under rug for 4 years (yes cheap dig at her parents and her relationship) doesn't work. She said I hadn't changed and I still question everything and don't trust. I've thought a lot about that this morning and I can't think of any questions non small talk that I've asked in weeks and I said trust is given but also needs to be earned. I then said that she snuggles me at night just as often as I have and reminded her it's her choice to sleep in the bed. I said I did feel she was leading me on a little and she denied it (doing everything together still, sleeping back in bed, vacation plans in Feb, and planned going out today seems like it to me). We got on separation topic and it ended with me saying if she really wants out then why not go.
I know I completely failed at DBing (again) this AM but she hits my buttons and is so cold it gets to me. I know what i should do but i'm still not good enough at it when I'm relly hurting and just take steps back.I have no idea what to do tonight. A big part of me thinks a S would help me because I'm obviously not detaching and I'm honestly not good at keeping my expectations in check. I think it would hep her as well. So mad and disappointed in myself today!
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are