yay for your h's inadvertant "spillage" of true feelings? I'm reading your posts & nlw and wondering about "it all". If I had to say - I would kill to have any kind of insight or window into my h's head & feelings. good OR BAD - ANYTHING that was real communication of feeling-thought- ANYTHING.... even if it was a rant or just verbal dumping- it would be something.
lucky you- i just erased my whole "letter" because , quite frankly- it's all junk. what the heck does it matter? and what the heck am i even bothering for? and I feel soooooo "done" today.
i dropped him at airport yesterday- he comes back on 23rd. - i honestly wonder - why he wants to bother???
i don't want to be all alone in life - I don't want to believe that our very good life together was all my own delusion - i don't want to throw in the towel one second before all hope is gone- BUT...
we "fight" because he's leaving town and he NEEDS to be sure i'm still a giant jackass before he leaves town- so he can go tra la off to his "great life" without guilt. he is not aware one bit that he "acts differently" and precipitates it. i am also ultra-sensitive -
we are truly a couple jacka_ses
and he wonders why he has ed with me? foolish man-
i'm going to get out of here rite now because i am a giant drag - and everything i say, then re-read, is total crap and will bore you into a coma - no kidding - i don't even want to hear myself- as usual i have a million things i should be doing so i think i will.
maybe i'll go find the box of vintage and really gooney christmas stockings i've collected over the years and hang them on the stair railing. they always entertain me. i'm such a sap for the 50s and my youth & remembring happy times. oh well- guess i'm lucky to have that to say- how good it was when i was a kid! yay
xxoo hope your day is good - hope all good things and enlightenment for your H and maybe the anger is better than the depression? one can only hope-
