The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[FloydMan]

Thanks Sandi2,
You have good, direct points too. I know it all sounds defensive, but the building blocks were there, we were guided, doing well and came to a point when both therapists said it was time to deal with the A last Christmas and build trust. This was at the 5 month mark and we dealt with so many things to get to that point. I apologized and cried about things I had no idea they bothering her. I could not be any more sorry and I wept openly about that. But, when came time for things that bothered me in the dynamics of the M, it was way off base for her. The A aside, the negative dynamic was both ways 50/50 and I hurt too but took to other outlets to fill the void, not an A. I was open about everything. She feels the A was the only thing that was wrong she did. It is not about punishing, it is about the hurt and the breach of a trust that we both agreed was sacred. She hated her sister for 2 years because she did that to her husband. Now she did it. She feels like she is in a prison, but she has been free to go whenever she wants and does. Common etiquettes and courtesies should be on her for that. I have changed a million things; the anxiety was new once A opened up. Just seems like a double standard. But I guess I am in the position of trying to save it so I must leave no stone unturned. Eat more crow, feel guilty for her A. We went down that path last year. She never came to deal with it upon professional advice, not just my anxiety. She did start to show LL for a could months, but it was mixed with some shutdowns. Apologies can mean a lot and maybe then you’ll see the change on your H’s. It should world both ways. A little give and take but when one is stuck it is all give. That’s the program I guess. I think I can get to a point to not hold OM/A over her, I just want honesty, openness and truth. I don’t want her in a self-imagined prison. I want her happy, but yes, with some assurances to me. It is a big emotional investment.
She made a comment in March one night when she was crying, and said “I can never be the wife you want me to be”. I wish I absorbed that then. I was still confused to grasp.