Whoa, whoa...okay, I've opened a can of worms here. This is an open forum, isn't it? That's why I'm here throwing out my ideas and options. If I were actually self-absorbed, I would have gone ahead with my "plans" on my own, and NOT have come here, or seek advice from friends/family (I currently still am).
Well, since I got y'all's attention, maybe you can help answer this:
- How would your ex know that you're still available in the future, if they chose to do so? We assume that they will if they're ready and/or want to, but are we forgetting that there's such a thing as shame or embarrassment? Not everyone in the world has gone through DB/DR, so it's quite possible and natural for your ex (when they've come to their senses) chooses NOT to contact you because they're ashamed of initiating contact with you in the first place. So both of you go on with life, and let a golden opportunity slip you by, no thanks to a simple ego flaw!
- Why are we saying that the standard reaction from the ex would be to pull away if we even try to do SOMETHING? Do psychological/behavioral studies support this unanimously? That's why I brought up in one of my previous posts asking if there's also a difference in reaction between married couples, dating couples, long-term or short-term. And yes, I believe it does matter, which brings me to my next question...
- Are you advising me (or anyone else) no contact, no nothing, because it's just easier to say no? Is this fear-based reasoning? I mean, we are told "Don't drink and drive." The underlying message is if you drink and drive and get in an accident you'll die or kill others. But yet, in certain circumstances it's okay to do so, e.g. drinking a tiny sip of wine, or depending on our alcohol tolerance (that's why we only get in trouble if we fail the breathalyzer test, which also has a certain limit), etc. "No" is to keep us safe, to keep us out of trouble. It's used because it's assumed that we're immature and irresponsible.
