Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part II)

[cat04]

Still no new thread so...

But then again, your wife DID read the book.....right?

My W isn't a reader. I did find a copy of DB in with some other old books in stuff she left behind, but I don't know if it was a gift or something she bought or what. It had a receipt in it, I posted the date earlier, I can't remember now but it was old. 10+ years. And the binding doesn't look like the book was opened. So she probably did not read it.

W moved more of her stuff out over the weekend including most of the things out of our large walk-in closet. Interestingly one of the things she left behind was.... a DB book!! I was more than a little surprised when I found it. The original receipt was tucked inside, it was dated 1997 (we got married in 1992). If she was using the receipt as a bookmark then she read most of the book. I have no idea if she was reading it for our marriage, or because someone recommended it to her or what. I'm going to ask her if she remembers why she got it just out of curiosity.

I’m confused.

It sounds like you think she read the book and then you changed your mind.

IF she was reading the book over ten years ago, then the possibility exists that the M was not as rosy as you seem to want to paint.

I know that is a hard thing to hear and a hard thing to face, but most of us here have been through that.

Where was that sympathy when you had decided that YOU had had enough, after a couple months?

It's been 6 months, not a couple. And it's been the most difficult 6 months of my entire life. The biggest part of the struggle now is just not knowing where it's going. I'm ready to put it behind me and move on. That doesn't mean I'm not symathetic to W's struggles, once she told me she was still struggling I backed down from my plans to move on.

What about empathy for your W? Trying to understand what it is she is feeling and why?

I also wonder if you were really done, why does her being uncertain change your stance?

I find it questionable that you are arguing over two months. Ok, it has been six months. Six months. A drop in the bucket.

I know you don’t realize it but the man that you are arguing with, the man that you asked to stay off of your thread because you are not comfortable with the directness of his words, stood for much longer than six months. He stood for over two years. He DB’d, he worked on himself, he educated himself about MLC, communication styles and techniques, learned what his definitions of love, marriage, and commitment are and he lives his life by those definitions everyday. He posted to people here, continues to do so in order to help them, isn’t always right and admits when he is wrong.

Since I’m not afraid of being asked not to post on your thread, I will tell you that I see the defensiveness as well. And so did at least two other people. So I have to wonder how four people looking at your words, can gain the same insight and yet they are incorrect.

Another thing you might consider, is to reread your posts. Go back and see your words as if you are reading someone else. You just might be surprised at what you see.