She wants a divorce it is over. I saw her yesterday and she dropped the d. I feel horrible. I asked if she was seeing another man and she did answer she just said that I was disgusting
I told her I missed and shr say that I could not that I just miss being with someone I cannot figure out why she cannot see that I love her.
Telling her stuff like that isn't going to work man. Trust me, I got the t-shirt for mess ups like this. I haven't read through your entire thread yet, but I know enough by reading the last two or three posts that you are needing to try something new.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
It is so important that you do not tell her how you feel. Do not try to get her to change her mind about the D. Absolutely do not beg her! She said a lot when she said you were disgusting. That is exactly how I felt when I was in an A.
As long as she sees you as disgusting, she won't return to be your W. The more you beg her, try to get her to go to MC, threaten her, make deals, or whatever.....it just makes it worse.
The only thing that usually works (if anything will work) is to let her go. Drop her immediately, and you get a life ASAP! I know this isn't what you want to hear.....b/c you don't really think it works. But you can see what you've been doing has pushed her further away. MWD explains in her DR how this is the LRT. It's your only shot.
When I say "drop her", I don't mean that you tell her what you're doing. I don't mean that you beat her in filing for the D. I mean that you don't say anything else to her. I mean that you drop that emotional rope you have tied to her. You've been holding it so tight while she pulled away more. Drop it. Make up your mind that you will do whatever necessary to be a better & happier & stronger man. You will enjoy life without her.
If she sees you emerge as the wonderful man you were meant to be.....she might change her mind. But usually, it takes quite some time. She has another man and she is completely turned off by you. Even if she sees changes, she has to be convinced that they are not a gimmick and that they will last. That why just a few weeks into new behavior is not near enough to prove anything to a WAW. However, if things do not go well for her and OM, by then maybe, must maybe she will consider.
Do you have what it takes, or do you still believe doing things your way is what you'll keep doing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The only thing that usually works (if anything will work) is to let her go. Drop her immediately, and you get a life ASAP! I know this isn't what you want to hear.....b/c you don't really think it works. But you can see what you've been doing has pushed her further away. MWD explains in her DR how this is the LRT. It's your only shot.
This is pure gold.^^^^
In the last few weeks as I have been letting my wife go, as Sandi has put it, I have noticed the change in her attitude towards me. Whether or not she is really starting to question her decisions, I don't know. But frankly as I let her go, I am not so concerned with what she may or may not be thinking. What I do know is that, mentally I haven't felt this good since BD. So letting her go has also allowed me to find myself again. And in the end I am all I have and all I control. Good luck!
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
We still have alot of things to hash out we have to sell and we to I do with all tb e memories photos etc xo I box them and send them to her to deal with I dont want be the one to throw. Them away. My thdrapist as me going to see a psychologist for possible medication for this saddest I canot seem to stop thinking that she with come back I have seen her push other people out of her life only to regret it yearz later I have witness her cry over those people and struggle to figure out why she does it. I know I need to let her go a d that is very difficult for me. She to me that I dragged her into MC and abused her want was it ok for her to say mean things about me, I told hd r that I wS angry and I was just looking for answer. I will not force the D I will let her do it she said she wanted to xo it online yet ANOTHER way she does not have to deal click and forget me.
I have not contacted her since that day. She did ask me to do something for her via email, I did it but did not response. I am start trying to move forward. Thing for me I havealot of free time now, and always thinking of her. I start a knickboxing class to give myself something to do. I have been waiting for the divorce papers to arrive. If they ever do. I am not going to be the one to push for them. I still have hope that maybe she will change her mind. But the question I need to ask myself is do I think thkngs would be different. I know the my w has pushed people out of her life in the past only to regret it, and she would wonder why she had no freinds, she would eventually allow them back into her life. When she looking at me and told me that I was disgusting that was not my w what I saw there was her mother. For now I will keep on keepjng and with my family and therapist I am try to get though this. For now I struggle with the queztion if I could let myself love someone, like that again.
I have not contacted her since that day. She did ask me to do something for her via email, I did it but did not response. I am start trying to move forward. Thing for me I havealot of free time now, and always thinking of her. I start a knickboxing class to give myself something to do. I have been waiting for the divorce papers to arrive. If they ever do. I am not going to be the one to push for them. I still have hope that maybe she will change her mind. But the question I need to ask myself is do I think thkngs would be different. I know the my w has pushed people out of her life in the past only to regret it, and she would wonder why she had no freinds, she would eventually allow them back into her life. When she looking at me and told me that I was disgusting that was not my w what I saw there was her mother. For now I will keep on keepjng and with my family and therapist I am try to get though this. For now I struggle with the queztion if I could let myself love someone, like that again.
The right results are over she is willing to try. Nothing has worked. I have asked her if she would like to go to diner a few times just to talk about what each of us has been up to. But she was "unavaible". I did send her a christmas card and wishes her merry christmas but she did not respond. Could not even say merry Christmas to me. Now our house is going to closing and I have ask a few times what she wants from the house. And she has yet to give me an answer. Told her that I was going to jave a tag sale and she send a text telling me I cannot do thT without her expressed permission. I and losing my mind. I am now on medication to hepl me deal with this. Try to find a new place to live, trying figure out what to do with. Threebedroom house full of stuff. She called me the day said she had a few things she wanted to base on and that she would call me later but did not. I have been reading this book called " disarming the narcissist" realizing that is what is was living with. I know that I cannot change her she needs to change for herself. I know that I contributed to this just as much. But after reading through numerous things and four therapist telling the same thing I can only draw that one conclusion. She needs someone to hate in her life and that person right now is me. I am an easy target. She still has not file the divorce. Maybe she is waited for the six months that would be jan 21.
