When in reality - it's just how we should love people in general. It's about reaching across the table and understanding how another person feels and learning to respect their feelings.
So when do we reach across the table, literally and metaphorically?
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
Because she already knows you care... and if she doesn't.. you keep showing her not by texts, but through patience, compassion, kindness.. (remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
The love-related words in 1 Cor 13 were written as active verbs. It means we proactively practice those attributes, not just live by them internally. To wit...
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
Do you best to love as Christ loves...
Jesus didn't sit around practicing love. He demonstrated them too. Just like how I love my son - I'm proactively patient and bearing and kind and such with him. I don't watch him from afar, hoping that he'll pick up what my intentions are. Also, that homeless dude at the traffic light stop will never know that I love him if I don't actually get off my butt to do something about it. Christ held back sometimes, yet sometimes cross (uncomfortable/taboo/non-PC) boundaries to show what love should be like.
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
If you love her well (and I don't mean pursue the crap out of her) she may not understand that. There are all kinds of love - and there are times when people just don't like the love we are giving.
I'm not planning on giving out my heart so quickly if she came back. In the meantime, I'm trying to be friendly. When we met 4 months ago, we texted more than 1000 messages in 2 weeks and racked up more than 40 hours talk time within that same amount of time. So when I say I'm planning/hoping to text her once every week or two, it's quite a cutback from what she and I are used to. Please see my response to SunFunOne for more of this thought process.
Because lets just say that she does believe you don't care because you didn't want to "Fight" for her.
If you respected her wishes for space or whatever, then it's on her!
You wanting to hold yourself responsible for her feelings and trying to make sure she doesn't get those feelings is a codependent behavior. It's called caretaking.
Or maybe, as a lot of people tell me, as an engineer, I tend to over-analyze things. Sometimes it's not very practical, sometimes it helps me see/consider multiple perspectives. Because honestly, there are 2 ways (at least) that my ex-gf can look at my going dark, correct? I'm trying to strike that balance and cover the bases. It's quite possible that the reason why DB/DR (in getting our spouses back) works for some and not others doesn't mean DB/DR doesn't work, it's our spouses. They are the variable and because we know them best, so perhaps we need to tweak the general rules to fit our respective situations.
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
Fear of what? Only you can say.
But whilst there is fear in your heart, it is very difficult to love.
It's interesting to brought this up, because I walked into this with a clear conscience and open heart. I think I trusted in her too much, that she wanted the same things I wanted. Yes, we felt the same emotionally about each other, but I may have been too unorthodox for her. By this I mean that my 2.5 years of changes and improvements had made me a man she wasn't used to seeing. She was used to how a "generic" man might respond, behave. Perhaps that's how I came on too strongly for her.
All said, it is my hope that she (or someone else) can appreciate me for who I am. Aside from her cold feet/fear of commitment, S was nigh perfect, more so than every woman I've ever known. Many times during the relationship I had to slap myself and wonder if it was true. And no I wasn't blinded by love. I was guarded, but many times I was floored by how well she understood me and me her. We literally balanced each other out, but yet there was never a dull moment. Sigh.
