In time, you won't feel that about having sex w/someone else. Right now, you know that you are still married and are attempting to keep your commitment to your marriage. Give yourself the gift of time and not worry about what the future holds. Keep your focus on the present. Okay?
Ijust think your friend was "jumping the gun" a bit when he said what he did. Maybe he was hoping "fishing" to see how you would react. Maybe I'm reading what you posted about him wrong, but I just don't think a true friend would say something like that to someone who is going through what you are right now. Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, today I was reading in the archives and I came across "yellowrose" thread and it turned out she had cancer...but no more posts from her that I could find. Do you know whatever happened with her?
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
Yellowrose was a wonderful lady who had a lot of courage and dignity. She fought for her family right up to the end of her life.
We lost two fellow posters in the last year from cancer, i.e., Yellowrose and Frosty.
We miss both ladies very much.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am so sorry to hear this, and so sad to hear it too. Was hoping for the best for herr and her family but I know ovarian cancer is known for being the silent killer (H grandma died from it) I hope her H finally got his sh!t together!!!
Thanks guys for filling me in.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
H took S13 and D10 for the night saturday night (his idea of a weekend is 1 night) he picked them up about 11:30am and he was taking them to his moms to make cookies, he guilts S17 into driving to his moms (45 min drive) so S17 and his GF go down there for awhile. At 4pm S13 texts me and says "I wanna leave" I say "why" he said "dad is being mean and he won't let me come home with S17 and GF" so I call him and he says he justwants to come home to HIS house, S17 even tried to get his dad to let S13 go home with him, he said NO.
Throughout saturday night S13 was texting me...was very upset at how his dad is treating him...he treats D10 like a queen, I assume because she never questions him...both our boys do.
He dropped them off at 7pm last night and they hadn't even had dinner...so I had 1 1/2 hours to make them dinner, have them shower, pj's on, brush teeth, dry D10 hair and get them in bed for 8:30 because they had school in the morning.
I noticed that he appeared a bit tipsy when he dropped them off, S13 said he caught him sneaking to the garagetwice to drink beer, but S13 said "he wasn't as drunk as he was last night" wtf?
SIL (H's sister) called me saturday night said that she had just left he moms and she felt so bad for S13 because H IS mean to him and he plays favorites between D10 and S13...is SIL the only one in that family with half a brain? Everyone else supports his every action, they dont see that he's not the same person he was...or maybe they do notice but dont have the ba!!s to speak up?
I have a meeting with my L tomorrow...should I ask for supervised visits?
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
I would advise your lawyer about the weekend activities and mention the drinking...he shouldn't be driving if he's been drinking, especially w/the children in the car.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Not much to update on, so I'll talk outloud to myself
Went to see my L tuesday because he had recieved an agreement proposal which my lawyer said most of it was BS...like H wants me to pay for my own lawyer fees, H gets 75% of our money that is in our accounts (assho!e) I get the house but I have to refinance it within 6 months! H gets all the tools which is alot of tools probably about $30k worth.
I don't get it at all, I've read hours upon hours about MLC and I know they say it's not about us but it's so hard to NOT take this personally...why can't I flip the switch and not give a sh!t like him anymore...think just of me and what I want and what I need, to hell with anyone else.
Sorry, just venting. Thanks snodderly for your input and advise.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
You are still so very new to the mlc monster and it's going to take some time to detach and then when you do, you'll not react the way you have been. It's difficult not to take this stuff personally, but it's called survival for them and the way they see it, they are "ENTITLED" to everything that life has to offer. When they are in this mode, they don't care how we survive or if we have funds to pay the bills, they don't care if we are sitting in a homeless shelter and above all else, they only care about us when they need an emotional fix or want something.
I have to agree w/your lawyer, it is a bunch of bs. They are going to ask for the moon up front and use this as a negotiation tactic. He should only get 1/2 of everything that was purchased during the marriage. If the tools were a direct gift to him, generally he will be allowed to take them. You should figure out what tools you will need to keep, such as a tool set of hammers, screwdrivers, pliers, etc. If there are tools that you do not need, then give them to him.
As for the home, you'll have to give him his 1/2 of the equity of the home, which means you'll need to get someone in to walk through and determine the current day appraisal value of the home. I would insist that he pay half of that.
I was one of the few lucky ones that had real nut on the loose. He only wanted his clothes and 1/3 of the equity in the home. I still have all of his tools, mowers, furniture, etc. Now, that's not to say that 2 years after the divorce that he didn't come back and want things...my response to his requests since the divorce: "check the divorce decree, I believe you have been given that has been stated on that piece of paper. You were given several opportunities to come and take what you wanted pre-divorce." Don't think that once the divorce is finalized that he won't try to weddle things out of you...they are good at that playing the poor me card.
You'll have to dig deep for patience and yes, a sense of humor later on. You can't help but think you are living the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm thinking H is pissed but he's not mentioned it yet.
S17 will be 18 in April and he's wanted a tattoo for2 years, I told him it had to be something meaningful that he wouldn't regret down the road. So I went with him to a reputable shop to sign for him to have it done. He chose getting "my maiden name" on his inner bycep in a really nice cursive, he said its like in memory of Nana and Papa (my parents) who he adored. I think H found out threw his neice and he's made comments to the kids that he'd be upset if they ever got a tattoo without his consent.
S17 said if he ever said that to him he'd say "but you screwed our family up without our consent". Anyway I think H would see it as an insult to him as its my name not his.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
