Separation at 17.5 months

[cat04]

Ad,

I have actually read each and every one of your threads.

It helps me to see patterns of behavior, in thoughts and deeds.

I see you trying to be very emotionally controlled. I see a moral compass within you that is very inflexible. I see you always trying to do the "right" thing, for everyone else.

If I can see those things, I have to wonder what people who are close to you see.

While you may not think that I am trying to help you, that I am simply picking on you, you couldn't be farther from the truth.

Why does it take what I say to you to get a genuine emotional response? Why does it take that for you to let it out?

These boards are for venting and working through things. As well as recording our actions and reactions to things.

You come here, report on your actions and interactions and everyone validates what a good job you are doing. How well you handle things. That isn't a bad thing. You are a very strong woman. You are handling this with all of the reason and logic that most people can't muster.

I had actually hoped that you would come back and call me a b!tch. You came close.

I want to know how you really feel about things. I want to know what storm is brewing just under the surface. I want you to type without thinking about how to word something. I want you to start to actually feel your feelings about this. As well as other areas of your life.

You don't seem to allow yourself that luxury. And that keeps you stuck to a degree.

One of the biggest, most important lessons I learned from this is "the only way to do it, is through it."

You have to feel your feelings. You have to embrace them. And I don't really see that. I see you attempting to understand them, to rationalize them, but I don't see you feeling them.

I am sorry if you feel that I was saying your efforts are worthless. That is not what I was saying at all. Your efforts are impressive.

One of the first things we are told when we come here is that there are no guarantees.

You could have flown to the moon and painted it purple and it may or may not have changed anything in your sitch.

That is the sucky part of all of this.

And you are angry that it hasn't changed anything. And that is ok.

What are you going to do with it?