Some progress after 2+ months of DBing

[Wendylon]

Thank you Regretful, AS and Tori for your wise words. I'll just assume I do love H and carry on!

I felt upset with him yesterday at supper because he was backing S17 who was trying to teach S13 not to keep all his food in his cheeks. Fair enough but S13 started crying and I was feeling stressed because my father has deteriorated terribly since I last saw him. We were all having supper and I told S13 that he could go outside on the trampoline (instead of staying at the table and crying). I thought that my H should be backing me regardless and that he should realise how stressful it was to see my father's deterioration.

H fell asleep as soon as I got back from driving my father and step-mother back to my sister's where they are sleeping. H fell asleep fully-dressed on our bed. I left him to it and he did get up in the night and change and get into the bed. He is especially odd at night. I've noticed that H is nicer in the mornings. He even initiated a hug this morning in bed.

D15 gave me more sympathy and support than H did last night. Having said that though, I have to recognise that H did talk about the situation with my father this morning and he has taken him off for lunch while I'm having a break. My step-mother has left him with us for the day. My father is terribly smelly and I gag a lot in his presence. She obviously has trouble getting him to clean himself but I still think she should make it happen. I'm scared to intervene and upset my father and step-mother. I'm due to take him out for breakfast tomorrow morning but I don't think I can be in the car with him if he's still as smelly. My sister may be stuck working in France because of snow. She's due back tonight and is meant to take over looking after them for the rest of the weekend.

Sorry to be off-topic!

I told H this morning that D15 had been v supportive of me last night and that S17 was right in what he wanted to do with S13 over supper but that it didn't feel like the right time to be strict given what I was already dealing with. H then told me that over bfast he told D15 how much I appreciated her being comforting and also told S17 that his intervention with S13 was right but that I wasn't in the right space for it. I don't quite get why he gets himself involved.

We'd had a difficult meeting at S13's school in that we'd witnessed some pretty bad teaching. S13 spent his time yawning and I could see why. S13 is at one of the best autism schools here (at huge cost to our Local Education Authority) and it still leaves so much to be desired.

All in all, I'm feeling that there are lots of things that I can't control today. Having done his bit, H will probably conk out when he brings my father back to us. God knows when my step-mother will return. I can see why she'd want time off from caring for him but I feel resentful that she's allowing him to be so physically off-putting. It's something I'm very aware of in regards to S13 (keeping him clean and pleasant to be around).

I'm feeling stressed and keep having the feeling that I should be doing something other than what I'm doing--that sort of jittery, unsettled sensation.