Making it work, for me

[25yearsmlc]

A little while later I got a text saying that H was working on the papers so that I'd be able to move on, if I haven't already.

He then got upset, saying he'd never call me again since he wasn't on the "pick up list". He'd commented over the past year that I would always pick up his call, even when his other friends wouldn't. But that's because I'm his wife, and when he chose OW and not to contact me, [b]he made that choice.
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No, YOU made the choice not to answer. So I guess you were punishing him by not answering?

You did not think he deserved to have his call answered. Before hand, he'd told you how much he liked that you would take his calls...so you knew it was important to him AND he noted it...so you refused his call...I have to ask, was it worth it? I mean,

How'd that approach work for you?

B/C DBing is about doing what helps the m, and doing none or less of what hurts it....

He owes me money, almost never responds to my emails, before yesterday only called me once in over two months and he's surprised that I don't drop everything to answer his call?

So again, he did not "deserve" his call being answered. See, you sound very angry and...punitive. I KNOW that's not unusual ( the anger) and we've all been there. But you've been at this awhile. While you sep after OW#1, and before OW#2, what were YOU doing to grow as woman and partner? Were you both in counselling or somehow improving your communications?

Any conflict resolution?

IF you can hire a DB coach (better late than never) they'll help you see how UNhelpful the anger is. You have to let go of the anger you feel...turn it over to God if you keep hanging onto it...

It consumes YOU and takes so much energy from other things.

He really is in a thick fog. At least now he knows that I'm not at his beck and call any more. I'm not sure if that'll make him realize what he's done or just push him farther away, but I have to live my life.


Did taking his calls stop you from living your life? I'm being sincere. It sounds as if you sort of believe detaching is the same thing as moving on OR not caring..but that isn't true.


Usually a conversation like this would keep me up all night and I'd be unable to sleep. This time, I continued to work on my school projects and then went straight to sleep.

sounds like progress.

I'd consider taking him back if he truly made an effort, but he hasn't done that and I'm done having unrealistic expectations.

what efforts are You making to become a better partner, better wife, possible mother to his future child, better friend, etc?

All I'm hearing is what HE's done TO YOU and how angry/justified you are,

and or what other lousy thing HE has done lately...BUT

If you want to --as my DB coach said--

Keep the Road Home, Paved & Smooth,

that isn't the way you'll get there. Good luck!