The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[mamabird]

FM, I just started to read the Five Languages of Apology. I am hoping it will help me be able to apologize in the way he wants to hear it ("I'm sorry" doesn't work).

Funny that you tell that story about your W saying you'd be together at Xmas for sure and now you are not. My dad told H "We'll all be together at the holidays" over the summer and my H said no way. Well, we're doing Hanukkah on Saturday at my dad's.

I think the weight of a couple times after the A I threatened the D too, and the last time I did was end of Feb. I was so confused and stressed over her behaviour, and I also laid guilt on her about the A in late April/early May. I was so frustrated with her not dealing with trust and being open.
I never did get that deep sincere apology, and true remorse. It would have meant a world of difference. I apologized so much for my parts I cried. She did think that was weak. I would be thrilled for her to say ‘I love you’ instead of ‘I hate you ‘or ‘I don’t care about you at all’.

All of this sounds familiar to me - my H playing your part and me playing your W's part. I was not fully on board with H after my first EA. I did feel he was freaking out a lot but I gave him reason not to trust - I invited OM1 to a party we had and H did not know who OM was at the time. (OM did not come btw). I've intellectualized all of it but I am having trouble empathizing at the level he wants me to.

My second A was "sexting." Completely naughty. It's funny though, I was listening to Dr Laura today and someone called her and said "My H is having phone sex." Dr. Laura said, "don't waste a good 30 year M on something silly. Have phone sex with him yourself." She said it all so casually. My H completely freaked out when he found out about what I was doing, so hearing Dr. L's point of view on this in contrast to my H made H seem a little wacko. I get that he's not happy but he's been punishing me for 6 months and he refuses to work with me to allow me to make restitution in the way he wants it made.

Anyway, not to hijack your thread with my stuff.