Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

Yes actually it was productive I guess since I was expecting nothing. The MC pointed out to him how he is criticizing when he talks to me. He said "I guess I need help on learning how to communicate without criticizing. He did it several times in our session so i'm glad she said something.

One thing we talked about is if we could rewrite our marriage contract what would it say. One of the things he said was to have a 2-way street. I found that funny because he still doesn't see that he did things I didn't agree with. When it was my turn I said this and the MC said that often in these situations we forget everything else and focus on what has been done to you. So at least we are getting better and we both laughed which is very important. I also talked about the 5LL. Of course she knew what I was talking about but he didn't. She tried explaining it to him. I said that I thought that is why he didn't think I loved or appreciated him. I said I probably didn't say it in your language. I think after she explained some things to him about things I was reading, he understood some of what I was trying to explain such as I never knew he was so unhappy.

He also admitted having a good time when we have been together lately which is one reason he said he has thought about moving back. But at the end of the session he also said that NO he hadn't truly gotten past all of his issues but that he was working on it and he felt like he had made some progress.

As far as a MC session, this is the best one we have ever had. I know it kind of sounds like she was on my side but in the session she really just facilitated. She just pointed out when one of us was doing something that the other could take wrong. She is a big john Gottman person. So when me and H were "discussing" something that we didn't particularly agree with each other and she had mentioned something in the 7 principles book, I mentioned that x% of fights do not have a right or wrong answer. He found that interesting.

I think that he sees how much i am trying to change that I am trying to read and get information to help me understand him. In the past he just thought I didn't care.

How are you doing Ed? I hope you're going good.

Like everyone else on here you get to reading other people's stories and wonder how they're doing, especially when something good happens to you. I have been going through this for so long, and without knowing they were "180's", I tried not to do things he didn't like. But, it was not until I read the book and got on here and was really conscious of what I was doing did I really see improvement in both of us. I have to admit that it did not seem like moving on with your life and not telling them you love them etc would work, but it really does. Not to mention I feel like I am a better person too.