This was not a relationship. This was a little fling. Don't give it more importance than that.
You say it was not a rebound but guess again - it WAS a rebound for you. Your first Post D dating experience. And you really really really wanted it to work. But it didn't. For whatever reason. My thought is that you came on WAY too strong, WAY too fast.
But the good news is - you know you can have those loving feelings again (and I'm sure that's what it was not real love so soon). You will have it again - just don't give out your love so easily or so soon. It was not meant to be because it takes 2 people to want it and when one wants out - that's it - that's the end.
You can learn a lot from this experience. You will find someone else and I will bet you will be a bit more cautious. But that's good. Maybe she didn't want you because she knew she had you. People tend to want the things they have to work a bit harder for.
Now back off and stop messaging her. When one person says it's over and the other shows up at their work with origami cats - it is obsessive and could be considered stalking. Don't let that happen.
You may never know WHY. But it really doesn't change things to find out. Barb
I need to clarify that what I wrote about my feelings were/are in response to HER advances. Yes, we had instant chemistry, but I went into it cautious, especially what happened with my separation, child custody and all. From the beginning, I made it clear to her of:
A. My past B. My priority is my son first. If we became more serious, she'd become more of a priority C. Keeping my son out of the picture as best as possible and only introducing her to him as our church friend D. To keep communication open E. To keep God central to our relationship
It was my ex-gf who coined the term friend with potential, who told her family first about us (before I did), whose family asked about me frequently, who hoped I could meet her siblings and parents. After the first couple of weeks after we met, it was close friends who had to truly convince me that she really did like me. So no, I wasn't the crazy bloodhound, but I'd admit that when I did, we both took off. I would know the difference (I hope) because my ex-wife and I basically fell in love at first sight. So with S, I felt we responded to each other's attraction at a somewhat less frantic pace. Don't forget that we had to wait 3 months before we started dating, so we patiently waited and I had time to evaluate and gauge where we were. She told me she did too.
But, I think at some point after we started dating, she began to have cold feet. Like Bond mentioned, reality hit her. Ultimately, it's what she chose to do with that reality/fear that broke my heart deeply.
Even sadder is that we don't hate each other or have issues with each other. She chose to brood on an external fear or what I call an uncontrollable variable.
Because we're not married, I think there should be a lighter version of the DB/DR rules. I'm not saying that there aren't rules that are constant in all situations, but I also think that because there's relatively way less baggage/history between dating couples, there shouldn't be rules that are so absolute, i.e. no this no that. Instead of merely no talking, no gifts, no nothing, isn't there a balance that can be struck? Things can be healthy in controlled quantities and in moderation, right?
I'm not saying dropping off gifts or fireworks in her name or anything, but what about very occasional (once every two weeks/once a month) non-relationship texts? What about Xmas text?
Is wooing someone post-break up a lost art now?
On the somewhat plus side, I know that we didn't breakup because I screwed up due to a ghastly flaw of mine. We broke up because she was afraid of an unknown variable. Yes, I'm still improving myself and if she comes back, she'll get an even better Alamo.
