Bug- I am calmer. Much calmer. Frankly I think I am pretty detached at this point. Funny thing- I think H feels it too. I am seeing the distance/pursuit dynamic. Tonight- I know he was high (pot) couldn't tell about anything else. Sigh. Unfortunately, he has always been a pothead so this isn't anything new.
Anyway, went to see S14. We went both Tuesday and today. Both times H acted like nothing was wrong and so did I. Funny thing is I have really had a great couple of days minus the son ordeal but frankly that is drastically improving too. It seems the charges will be dropped way down and likely he will come home on the 12th. S actually seems pretty good too.
So I dunno. Today H texted me several times about the visitation. When I thought I would have no one to watch D's he said he would keep them so I could go. That just shocked me. Not like him. Then he also offered to be here at 6 AM on Sat and Sun so I can go to work. Laughed and joked all during visitation then as I was leaving he told me to be careful. Hasn't said anything even remotely concerned with my welfare since he got with XW/OW. Just odd. The whole thing was odd. I just said yea you too.
Do you think they can tell when we really and truly detach? I ask no questions of him and frankly don't much care. That may sound mean or harsh but it is what it is. I'm just not that concerned. It's like eh whatever. I know tonight I just walked out at the end of visitation. I didn't say bye or anything. No need to. We are not friends. Knowing that, it seems so odd to know that we are still married.
Frankly, Bug when you said I was fired - you are right. I was. So why should I stay invested? I noticed tonight as I was coming home I passed the car in the parking lot of the local store. Although I noticed it, I never for a moment wondered what he was doing or contemplated stopping. Previously I would have.
So here's to calm. Here's to taking care of me and my kids. They are my focus. S is my focus. I also love Christmas so that has had my attention. I am just not too daggone worried about him. lol I must say - it feels good too!
Oh and weighed myself- 30 lbs gone. Here's to some more! I CAN do this!
