The jealousy has been there since the beginning. It stated with my first W cheating on me. I thought I had it under control somewhat, but it got out of control after W started chatting with guys on Champions Online, and having voice sex with them. This is the one where she was going to leave for a 17 year old. I started spying on her, finding out all of her passwords, verifying her whereabouts ext. I have tried multiple time to stop but I always seem to go right back to it.

I usually go to the gym alone but we both decided to go together today and Saturday. I will go by myself Saturday though, I cant take the risk of this happening again. She doesn't think I can change or the relationship can be fixed due to my issues.

As for me, I don't have any friends to go out with or do things with. The few I have always have something to do with their family and are a decade or two younger. I go to school full time and have only meet kids in their 20's. I put everything into my M that I don't have any interests outside the home. My D and I started putting a puzzle together and have plans to visit Disneyland in March, but other than that I do homework, read, watch movies, and housework.

My D and I have been spending more time together, but I still focus on family and not so much on just me. The gym is my only escape from reality at this point.

I do dress better due to the weight loss, and I smile more.

I have a hard time with the emotions and wanting to quickly fix things before she finds someone else. She says she isn't looking for anyone, and she will give our marriage a fair chance; but, I my issues do not allow me to see the positive. Seems like every good thing she does I see the possibility that she is hiding something behind my back.

I do understand what she has told me, but I'm lost. I don't even know where to begin changing those problems. They have been out of control for nearly a year and a half. I am also worried that I won't be able to change them, and I will let my D down by not fixing what I needed to get mommy back home.