FWIW, I think it's often very hard to strike the right note with suggestions for change on here. Sometimes I fear that what I say will be taken as too harsh or as critical as well, when what i'm trying to do is to communicate something that I see as potentially very important.
I understand how hard you have been doing it and I am routinely inspired by how you go about things and the sorts of insights you have about yourself.
I can't speak for you, obviously, but I found Cat's comments really hit home for me. I mean the following type of thing.
Originally Posted By: cat04
While I don’t condone your H’s behaviors, I can understand them a bit.
Maybe you have changed, maybe you are very different from who you were before the bomb. I don’t know because I don’t know you.
What I see in your writing, is still a lot of attempts to control the situation and a lot of judgement with little compassion. As well as you still giving him your power.
How much have you really changed?
I think that's just the sort of question that my stbx is likely to be continually mulling over.
Cat's detailed descriptions of how it might seem to our hs - that we are still trying to control things - really made me think about how i am interacting with him and whether I have changed all that much.
I know it's hard to hear that others can't see the effort we've put into something that is the most important thing in our lives, but I figure that there will be no harsher critic of our efforts than our Hs, and i think Cat was trying to give this perspective.
In this sense, for me at least, i can see that it might be time for me to do something different. Cause as much as i think I've changed - for me - from stbx's perspective, it's still pretty much 'more of the same' with a slim veneer of 'consideration/niceness' thrown in. And under the circumstances, he's right to be suspicious.
Please know that I admire you very much and only want to help out if I can.
