The finding of the emails may have been a blessing because it shows that he's got some misgivings about his life and he's even admitted to his older son that you are a wonderful person, but there is something missing.
As for not telling the truth to someone....that's not good and that sure isn't the right advice to give your own child about how to handle relationships.
You know he's conflicted, but you are the only one that can determine when you've had enough. I'll share this w/you because I sat on the fence for 7 months after my xh left the first time and when he told me that it wasn't me, but him, and his daily the threats of always leaving because he didn't want to do things around the home...he announced on early in December that he thought he might leave after Christmas and be here for the holidays so that he wouldn't distrupt family plans. I never said a word that night, but prayed very hard and asked for guidance. The following day was a workday. When I returned home that evening, I told him that I had thought about his conversation and I had decided that he should not wait until after Christmas, but to go now. He began crying and told me that he was so confused and he didn't know what to do. I replied that if I had been him, I would be jumping for joy that my spouse had released me from the relationship. He stayed approximately 11 days and moped around on his days off and made comments about me going on about my business as if nothing was wrong. I pointed out that I wasn't the one wanting to leave. He left on Monday, December 13, 1999, while I was at work and left me a typical mlc note advising me that he needed some time to think and that he would be okay, etc. From that day forward, my life changed because I was no longer wondering what if and walking on eggshells. Would I have changed the way I handled my situation? Yes, I would never have asked him to return home after he had left the first time, but I didn't know anything about mlc or thought "Mr. Personality" would have hooked up w/twinkle twat.
mrsrjd, you will know what to do when the time comes. You've been given the gift of him sharing his inner most thoughts w/you and the emails that you have found. Maybe he was hoping you'd read them and toss him out, especially after referring to the xw anniversary date. No one really knows why they do the things they do, but I would venture to say, he's hoping you will help him out the door at some point. Just my two cents.
Hang in there. Whatever you decide to do, I'll be here for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
