Looked the Gift Horse in the Mouth

[BeingMe]

Hi Mrsrjd! Thanks for the comments on my thread. So, I had to read yours, and my goodness, what a ride you're on. His emails and your comments in response is good, but where do you go from there? I'm sure you were pleased to see that you are a "model wife" and I'm sure the kids will "appreciate" that he's staying for them (there's a guilt trip waiting to happen for them).

So, by telling his son to lie to his wife so as not to upset her (my H does this), shows you what he's doing to you. He's identifying himself with someone much younger and probably stupider as regards women, and his son is getting the worse advice possible from someone he trusts. I would wonder if he's manipulating you through those emails. I see that your H must've absorbed a lot of his father's attitude too (as did my H, who stated just recently that he has become the thing he most didn't want to ... his father. I was gobsmacked, and disappointed because his father is a serial cheater).

I am so sorry you're going through this. It s*cks.

It's funny how he thinks he's in control and how much he thinks he's the centre of the universe. He did belong to something ... his own family ... loving wife and children. What are they going to learn from their father ... a continuation from generation to generation of fathers messing up, and not owning up to their responsibilities? Not being the hero in their lives, taught not to tell the truth?

I almost want to tell you to run, but I know you won't. He's as much said that he abandons before being abandoned. He should know how that feels. (He's too fricking old to blame his parents for all his woes. I know, I know, this the source of his MLC ... maybe.) He's not going to change until something changes inside him. You can't change him, his parents definitely can't ... it's up to him. In the meantime, you need to get your stuff in order --- detach, detach, detach, see a lawyer (if you haven't already) to get a feel of what your rights are, and protect your finances. I don't think allowing him to gamble is protecting your finances, unless he's a really lucky guy.

I'm just angry for you, but I know you'll be okay, no matter what. 'Eh, I've been doing this for too long, and have lost my patience for these MLCers. Do the opposite of what I write.