KG-Thank you for your continuous support and love. I guess sometimes sadness has to be a part of this trip sometimes. :-) How are you doing?
labug-Really, thank you. What you said has been really profound to me about being true to myself. I have been so afraid for so long in this respect.
LITB-You always come by when needed. Thank you of your encouragement and support as always. From the start you have helped me see things differently and continue to move forward.
Tori-Thank you of your kind words. To answer your question. H has talked (threatened?) D in the past 2+ years. He blamed his EA/PA on me because I didn't D him...or agree to D him.
This summer, he sent an email (the date in my timeline) to my dad saying he wanted to proceed with D. I took that as the first 'real' step for him doing it. I spoke to him afterwards and told him I don't agree but accept if thats what he wants. I told him I am giving him this just give me some time. (lots more but won't go into it).
Anyway, he brought it up a few more times after that (remarkably after 'incidents' of OW being involved), and gave me promises of how this is the best thing for us all and how him and I will have such a great R afterwards.....anyway, he hasn't brought it up since Sep. I use the time to work on myself and prepare for when he does bring it up again. I was SURE that he was going to bring it up again after he got back from his last trip with OW but he didn't. He brought up the Dubai move instead. I am starting to think OW is part of that too.
Tumbling-My commando picnic sister! Where have you been??? Boundaries are indeed a most empowering thing we can do for ourselves. I did not realize this until very recently. Its really difficult at first though isn't it? Fear of coming across b!tchy or mean or selfish and then making people mad. But its not like that as Labug said. Its not about being rude. Its justing stating in a loving way. I hope to hear how you are doing very soon.
SS, afa, Breakdown and UF-Thank you for your posts and supportive words. You all help keep me motivated and encouraged to continue on this path. Sometimes I can't see myself. and when you point things out I get a whole knew perspective and renewed energy.
((((( ))))) Love to all.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Not much new since the whole Dubai/cousin situations.
This weekend we were at a horse riding competition for my son and the school principal was also there (my boss) and (i didn't know this at the time), H told him (boss) about the possibility of Dubai!
The next day at school principal asked me if i was coming back next year! Anyway we talked about what was going on (he is also a good friend and has been in the know about everything since it started). Anyway, I spoke to H later and asked him about telling my boss. I wasn't upset. Just was curious as to why?
I thought it was weird.
Also, H has been extremely nice lately. A mutual friend of ours had a bday party on the weekend and invited all of our friends but me (!). Apparently being a LBS is a disease or something and hanging out with OW is cooler. But H did comment that he didn't think it was right (he still went...of course). Also, my two BFFs didn't go (I love them). They refuse to be a part of anything where H and OW are together.
At work the other day I wasn't feeling well, so I left a bit early. I texted H that i was going home (didn't say why) and if he can pick up S and D from school. He just wrote back 'sure'. An hour later he texted asking if I was going home because I was not well in my mind or my health? I think he thought I was upset about the bday party? I SOOO was not. I was really not feeling well. I just told him I was not 100 percent and thanks for asking.
He then was very nice when he came over. And again today, he was so nice I actually couldn't look at him. He also texted me while I was at work asking for a TV series I have. Random. He doesn't ask me for anything.
He was doing things for me. Without me asking. But I know better. I just continued as I was with the kids and stayed polite.
He leaves anyway when the kids sleep. He is still with OW and I will continue thinking that it when and if something else comes out of his mouth. Or I see actual action.
I want to talk to my coach before we leave for Christmas. Keep my head straight. I expect it can't stay this calm for long. He said he doesn't want me. That is what I know. Anything else is mind reading.
My life. My path. My journey.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I keep up to date on your post all the time, but don't know if I have any greater (or new) words of wisdom to offer to you than the great people who already post on your thread.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and the difficult decisions you have ahead.
Nice H = wants something? ...or just the regular roller coaster rider on a flat track? Keep bustin!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Busting, Just dropping in to see how you are. Glad you have had a PMA and good friends. I would think you don't have a disease, and you are cooler than OW.
Busting, big hug from me too. Your H seems to place the blame on outside circumstances (like all WAS's.) For some reason he threatens with D but doesn't file. He might be afraid or unsure. His latest behavior is positive, so take note of it, but keep DBing.
Hi everyone thank you for your responses. So much love on this forum I get overwhelmed sometimes (((())))
I have to admit that I feel H is being nice because I think he wants something. I think it's a butter- up for the big D talk. I know he is not happy- nothing to do with me in reality- but if he is still looking externally then it's going to be me.
He has expressed recently several times that he is not looking forward to work. He is frustrated with work. He sighs a lot. He is restless.
Today he told me that he doesn't do anything anymore. He either goes home to sleep or has a few drinks and sleeps.
When I got home from work today he was here and on the phone. I know it was a woman by his tone of voice. Of course I assume OW which does not shock me but then he was so cold with me afterwards. No eye contact etc.
Anyway I took myself to my room.
Then later I went to the kitchen and he was in there making food for the kids as their friends. He became chatty again very engaged in the food making and asking me about the rice blah blah.
He is planning to go to dubai in jan to strt checking things out. Things will be clearer then I suspect about his true intentions.
I know this post is all about him. Just needed to let out what I have been observing because I need to stay grounded and focused on me and my path. He is at the same time more 'with us ' but also not.
Keep me focused my friends. It could be nothing, it could be the calm before the storm but I need to stay on my blanket.
Love you all
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Hi Tori, thank you..that means a lot :-) I agree, I have plenty of time to think about living location.
I know I need to avoid mind reading. And I don't yet trust my gut because I feel that is what got me here in the first place. Although back then my gut was absorbed into a very muddled mind. Id like to think my mind is clearer now, and therefore my gut...yet I am still not ready to go on that completely.
Today is the start of our weekend here so both kids have friends over for a sleepover.H stayed until about 930 pm. We had watched three episodes of Homeland and had a few drinks. Was very nice, but weird too. I don't take it as anything in terms of R. I know now these little things don't mean anything in and of themselves except that we are better together and that makes for better parenting right now.
He didn't have to stay as the kids were engaged with their friends. He left before the kids were in bed, but then again the kids were still playing with their friends. So if he is more comfortable that is good because again, that will reflect in his R with the kids.
Earlier when I got home I found H brought our tickets for winter break (we are going to Germany). The itinerary had all of our names on it, but H's name was crossed out and instead of four tickes there were three. I didn't ask or comment. So I guess he had the intention of joining us and then changed his mind? Maybe him and OW want to be together? I thought it was interesting. It doesn't change anything me or the kids do, but I thought it curious.
Throughout the evening H was busy texting away on his phone. Back and forth and back and forth. Who knows. I was enjoying Homeland and my drink.
Overall it was a pleasant night and it would have been with or without H around. I am really starting to understand the need vs want thing now. :-)
Work is good. Met several end of semester deadlines which always feels good. Tomorrow night going to a party-gonna get a little dressed up, which come on, is always fun!
Hope everyone is doing well!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
It's good you're not reading much into every little thing your H does, but I'm curious about the tickets for the trip. When were they purchased? Was it recently?
The texting wehn he's around must be very annoying. Good for you that you didn't ask whom he was texting.
I hope you have fun at the party and continue feeling good :-)
