Thanks for the wishes and for stopping by, Sunny. My S18 said the same thing, that at least he acknowledged it. It was my comparing what he has been for so many years to what he was yesterday that got to me. No expensive present.No touch at all. No kiss,no hug. Nothing.
I would love to understand what went on in his mind by giving me the tiny bag of chocolate. I would love to understand it from his perspective, which would undoubtedly be different than mine.
Intention is everything, but trying to analyze that is as fruitful as catching smoke with your bare hands, as my sons would say.
He asked if we could take my vehicle because his smelled like food he had transported earlier that day. His windows were cracked, so I sniffed. It wasn't food, but it was smoky. I said so, and said that it was cigar smoke, and he laughed. I know he smokes cigars occasionally, so I don't know what the big deal was.
He said I could open the trunk and smell the food, and I said that I didn't have a key. I was just joking, but he actually walked over to the trunk and opened it so I could smell. So, to be polite, I did. I didn't smell any food. He said he smoked the cigar to get rid of the food smell in the car.
That makes sense, doesn't it?
As I expected, he wanted me to choose the restaurant, but suggested one we've enjoyed in happier times. I didn't want to ruin that restaurant for me, so I chose a steak restaurant that's not my favorite, mainly because it was a place that wasn't sentimental to me, like the other one. I couldn't care less about steak. I got chicken.
I looked pretty. I got no compliments.
The conversation, which I let him lead, kept to his job and our sons. I mentioned that our S18 wanted to drink alcohol at home, and I told him that I would rather him do it at home under supervision, rather than with his underage college buddies.
H said that he would rather he not, and I said that I respected that and wouldn't contradict his wishes.H gave him permission to drink a tiny glass of wine with Thanksgiving dinner. That is what I'm talking about, not about drinking parties at home.
Well, last weekend when I went to the grocery store, I bought a 6 pack of beer, and since he was home when I got back and helped carry up groceries, H knew it and asked, "Beer?'. I rarely, close to never, drink. I didn't say anything at the time.
Last night, considering our conversation, he asked me if that was why I bought the beer. I said no, and said nothing else about it.
The real reason is that I just felt like it. And I figured it might improve my appetite. I want to keep my weight up. My current weight loss is at the "just right" stage, as Goldilocks would say.
He asked what I had going on over the weekend, because he has the certificate to get the tree, so I told him my plans, and said Sunday evening might be good. He said he would be busy with work all next week, so that was why he was asking.
Since he said that, I did ask about the his boss's party next week, because he opened and left the invitation on the desk, so I acted as if he were planning on going with me. He said he couldn't remember what day it was, but he didn't say we weren't going.
That was the only thing I considered a possible small mistake.
So, after dinner we went to the store to buy car mats for S18 new car. BTW, he passed his driving test today and is a licensed driver now. Can you hear me shout for joy?
Then we had to go pick S18 up from school. Got home. Surprise -- he did laundry. I sat on the sofa for a little while before putting S10 to bed. I did say goodnight because H was standing in the kitchen.
I think I did well. No tears, no interrogations, no demands.
Some things I would have liked to ask, and I would ask to a rational person:
Why haven't you left if you don't want to treat me as a wife? Is it because you are treating someone else like one? While I am here taking care of our home and kids? Are you just here because you don't want to leave the boys? What have you told your parents? How long do you expect me to go without sex/love/affection? Do you realize the damage, maybe irreparable, you are doing to the boys and your R with me?
I think I have so many questions because he has said so little. Other than his ILYBINILWY, and his comment that we don't listen to the same music, or have anything in common, his complaints have been sparse.
But two things I had forgotten about he did mention since BD. I didn't make time to do things when he asked because I was too busy with the kids.
And after Thanksgiving when he said he was unhappy with his job, I asked if he wanted to quit and I would get a job. He said no, that I would resent him for that.
Last night, I did cry before I went to sleep. And again today when I talked to my mom. Lots of tears. She naturally gave me all the wrong advice, and I had to remind her not to, and she calmed down. She's the best. She is even sending him his usual Taz ornament for the Christmas tree.
