Indeed. But I think I've adequately explained here what I mean when I'm talking about it in my thread.
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The above, where you are talking with your Daughters about their conversations with their Mother....
Why are you in the middle of that ?
W hasn't talked to the kids about this at all and that's been frustrating for D16 and S9 (D18 doesn't want to talk as I mentioned before). D16 and S9 have needed a lot of support and reassurance. I've given it to them, but they really could use it from W as well. D16 has expressed frustration that W doesn't listen to her, that's why I had the above conversation with her. Just to let her know that W does listen and takes it seriously.
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There are two sides to every story. Yours and theirs, and usually, somewhere in the middle is where the real truth lies...
All W has ever told anyone (that I know of) is that she's not happy and she's not sure why and that she's confused. And that's all I've conveyed to anyone about W. I have consistently stood up for her and told family and friends that she is a great person (and I truly do believe that) and a wonderful mother and that regardless of what happens I will still believe that. I'm thankful that W hasn't gone monster like so many of the stories I've read on the MLC forum because it would be particularly difficult to hear her say horrible things about me, but she really hasn't. She's been quite supportive in fact.
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What were your wife's complaints about you ????
My W's complaints and my 180's are well-documented throughout my 2 threads. I'm not going to rehash that because W has stated several times that I've changed, that I've reversed every complaint she had and that I am not the problem. She repeated this just a week ago. The problem according to her as I've stated over and over again in both threads is that she doesn't "want to try". I don't come here to lie, if you knew me you'd know I'm a straight-up honest guy. I have no secrets, no ulterior motives. I'm not going to sit here and tell you my W said these things because I want to pump up my ego or whatever. I tell you these things because it highlights the confused mindset of the WAS. The problems are "fixed" but she doesn't want to "try" at the R. At least, not right now. That's the bottom line.
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It seems as if you have planned this whole thing out on how it should work, and end.
No plan, I've felt from the beginning like I'm just along for the ride.
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I see a superiority in your words when you type about her, and how your choices are waaaaay better than hers.
I'm really perplexed by this, not sure what you might be referring to.
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And that she should be begging you, to come back.
Why do you think that, because I've stated that I don't want to just throw the door open to her? I certainly don't expect her to beg to come back, but if she ever does consider reconciling I'm not just going to lay out the red carpet either. A lot of work needs to be done to rebuild the R first.
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I see a pattern of trying to fix HER problems, with YOUR solutions. And that makes her opinions pretty small, if that is the case.
Go back to be beginning and you'll see I've always taken her comments VERY seriously. I worked like a maniac to reverse every complaint she had. The only "solution" I've tried to apply is to change myself and to give her time and space.
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Where is the sympathy for what SHE might be going through ?
I posted this yesterday in eyesopen's thread:
"I knew anger was one of the phases of grief, so I expected to be angry at some point. But it never did happen. I never did feel anger towards my W, maybe because I knew she was hurting and suffering too. I think it's easy for the LBS to assume that everything is great for the WAS, but that's rarely the case. They're in great pain too."
