That is my advice to me as well as hard as it is. I know that I must be gone for him to miss me, but at the same time I cannot help but feel that if I am GONE, then we will never reconnect ever again but there I go, pulling the same crap.
Had an awful day a couple of days ago. Ever notice how everything seems to happen all at once? In any event, by the time I got home, I was so exhausted that I felt mentally on my knees and just started to weep.
I never thought he would leave me and I really never thought I would turn into a watering pot. 2012 end of the world, indeed.
After the worst of it, the phone rang. I answered it never dreaming that it was him but it was. Only two days after we last spoke.
Despite my mini-breakdown, I managed not to break any of the DB Rules and kept the conversation short. He talked about his work and a few other things but nothing personal. No I miss yous or ILYs from him. None from me either.
After that conversation, I felt...resigned. Resigned to the fact that this is perhaps all we would ever be again to each other. That he had someone else. That "confused" or not, he did not choose me. That there is no magic search for an answer because there is no magic bullet. That crystal balls do not exist. I do not know if "resigned" is the same as "acceptance"; acceptance sounds much more enlightened but it is also sad.
I am not in a hurry to talk to him again although stupidly, I still have the biggest urge to contact him) but I am taking the advice I receive here seriously. I may not always follow through but I will take any lumps that come from that.
