Separation at 17.5 months

[adinva]

Cat04, I'm not sure if you read all of my posts. You took a bunch of quotes from a very painful moment for me, and ignored the working through that I did after that day. I'm not all the way there, but I believe I did note here that I learned I was feeling hurt and lashing out as a diversion. To go back to the lashing out as if it's a fixed part of my personality is missing the point.

Your interpretation of my posts seems to imply that there's no difference between working through anger here and saying these things to my H. I disagree.

I'm learning to recognize what hurt feels like and how to handle it, in therapy and through reading and practice, to replace a longstanding defense mechanism of anger and opposition. You probably work through some mixed up feelings when you feel hurt too; I believe that's normal. The end result, what you communicate or choose not to communicate back to the other person, is the important thing. THAT is very different now for me than it was a year ago.

I appreciate if you're writing in to try to help me change somehow. I write a lot here and most of it goes unremarked other than by my friends. If there are other vets out there reading and thinking to themselves all this time and she just doesn't change at all, well, please, I'd appreciate real help.

I understand that your life has other priorities than helping me. But you jump in a couple of times a year to say nope, you haven't changed, and I do not see the point.

In the face of this kind of feedback I feel hopeless. Honestly you have every right not to think much of me and it's your prerogative to criticize my efforts, but I'm not sure why you would want to come here and spend time doing that.

If you have any actual ideas for me to try differently, I would listen to them.