I am not a victim but I am a changed person, and I need to keep digging deeper to keep these positive changes going on.
I'm having a hard time believing this...
I have been reading along, and I agree with most of what has been said....by others
I think you are VERY adept at being the victim....
By proclaiming that you aren't a victim...makes you a victim. By TELLING everyone that you have changed instead of letting your actions speak for you....allows you to be a victim.
By defending yourself, you are being a victim.
Let me ask you this.....
Do you still think that your Wife is doing this TO you ?
Bruce, I don't think that you are at fault for some things, yet I see you playing that victim card at every possible convenience.
You have taken ZERO responsibility for the care of your Son, and you are comfortable sitting back and saying that your Wife did this, or your Wife did that, to justify YOU not being involved. Everything that you have described as a hurdle, is easily overcome by you wanting to be involved.
Changing a diaper ? Really ? Not that difficult....
Breastfeeding ? Yea, well you are at a disadvantage, if you really want to not be involved. There are pumps, and bottles, and you can sit with them, rub her feet, read to him, and many things you could have found to do.
Yet you CHOSE ( yes, it was a choice) to not do those things.
And then, you got your tail caught in the rocking chair, And only then....do you NOW see where you went wrong.... or could have made better choices...
You know what ? A lot of people posting to you, have done the same thing....
The difference is, that you are still playing the victim card, and don't want to man up, and just admit... that up until now....you have been a crappy Father...
The truth has to start, before you can move forward.
Let me ask you some questions ????
How much of it (child care) did you REALLY want to do ?
How much of the time, were you relieved that she did the childcare ?
How much of the time, did you think that it was woman's work, and bail out ??
How much of the time, did you use the excuse that YOU were too tired at the end of the day, and just wanted to relax ?
How much of the time did you realize that she did the care for the entire day, and would like a break ?
None of this says that you are a bad person, none of this says that you are incapable of change.
I have said this many times....
You aren't gonna talk your way out of something that you acted your way into....
Real change is for you, and you alone.
You change because YOU are ready to be different.
You change because YOU want a different ending to your story, with your son.....
You change because the memories that your Son will have of you tomorrow, are the actions that you take today.
While we are at it....
I have seen here before, that cultural differences have played a part in defining certain roles within Marriages....
Not having too much insight into the French culture...
What are the views of traditional French child rearing ?
The role of the French man inside of a Marriage?
The French woman inside of a Marriage???
How would YOU describe those roles within the expectations that you had during your marriage ???
With raising your Son ???
What did you see growing up ?
You say that you have a great relationship with your Father now??
What was it like when you were younger ?
What is your relationship with your Mother like ???
Bruce...
Are you really ready to change lifelong patterns of behavior ???
Or are you blowing smoke, because you feel guilty over past, poor behavioral patterns ???
Are you really ready to not be a victim ??
Or are you gonna post some things on a Divorce busting website, make a few subtle behavioral tweaks, and really not do anything different...
And then, when it all falls apart, you can once again....
