Looked the Gift Horse in the Mouth

[mizjjd]

Don't go anywhere Snodderly! Please. I'd like to get your input on the most recent communication before I respond.

I told my mother that she could not do that to me, jokingly of course, no real feelings let out. and then I left it at that. I am resolved that they will do whatever they need to. I am a little experienced in the need to go home to die situation. As I get older I feel the need to go where I belong and that seems to be in Canada. At least that's what I think I feel - don't think I'm going to die anytime soon though.

The question I ask myself is what kind of love do I need to satisfy me or make me feel wanted/part of something. You know it seems that is the underlying theme, the need to belong, to feel wanted to be respected and loved. What we have/had I'm sure is love but something is obviously missing and I am not sure what it is. Maybe it's just that time in my life where I question everything and every answer is wrong. I don't know. You know that I feel very comfortable with you, and I think it is more than just 20 years of being together. The most comfortable aspect though may be that you love me unconditionally and that I am in control. If you were more confrontational I am not sure I would feel so comfortable. I pull that thought from the times we have argued about whatever and I get instant desires to pull out. So what is the solution for me, for us, who knows. I think I need to find a line of work that I can be happy at, that is challenging of my creativity. I think that is why I like to gamble so much, it is constant change and strategy and makes me get creative. Also, each hand is a new chance to win and you know I like to win.