The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[mamabird]

Hi Floyd,
Sorry about your wife's car accident, hope she is ok.

I think it's great that she's warming up a little - laughing and saying bye to you. (My H just left to go out and said bye to me too - actually poked his head in the room). Telling her "See you later and have fun" sounds like perfect DB to me. Detachment is not about being cold or rude. It's just treating your spouse like the neighbor down the street.

So to answer your questions -
I do love my H and want it to work, though I'm highly doubtful that it will work in the long run. IMO H has a lot of growing up to do. I know that sounds like I'm passing the buck and not taking responsibility. But I just don't see him being able to put his own sh!t aside for the greater good of the M - which is what we BOTH have to do.

I came home because I felt it was my right to do so. He threw me out at the beginning of the summer and I complied out of desperation. I stayed at my dad's house for 3 months. We did not have a proper sep. agreement; I didn't have an apartment or anything like that. It was a horrible arrangement. I missed my kids and it was very hard on them. H was not happy when I moved home but I decided I didn't care.

I would love nothing more than to sleep in my own bed. H is holding that over me however. He's "not ready." Of course, if I insisted that he sleep in the guest room, he'd say that I'm not taking his feelings into account. So I am stuck in here.

Interesting that you each feel the other is "controlling" - I'd say we have that going on too. We do not know how to compromise and someone has to have their way so it always seems to one that the other is being controlling.

So, you said that one of the things that turned her off was your lack of self-confidence. You are such a perfect candidate for DB. If you do it properly, you get that self-confidence back, and that's the goal - to get it back FOR YOU. The gravy is that your W notices it too and you become so much more attractive.

If you can do some GAL and just do your own thing, happily, your W may come back to you sooner than you think. She will not want to see you happy without her since you made it sound like you treated her like the sun rose and set on her. She may be testing you a little bit.

When I had my first EA, I felt same around my H. He became clingy/needy and it was a turn off. But he did step up to the plate enough for me to give the R another try. It sounds like you are way past that with her though. I would not be surprised if she's got an OM waiting in the wings, based on what you've said. Could be that she doesn't want to accept anything "rational" because then she will have to change her tune and she won't have a good excuse anymore to run away from you.