"As much as I try to follow the DB guidelines, I continue to fall off base."
How would that sound to you if your W told you that she tried to stick to the M vows but continue to seek an A?
"I know I was waaaay off base to DB thinking, but I felt this was something I had to do."
And you'll feel the same way the next time. All the LBH's feel exactly like you felt. What gets me is when some say, "I know I backslid, but......." It was a choice to have the R talk, and it's a choice to DB.
"Hopefully it didn't put me too far off track."
But usually it does! That's why the advice says don't do the talk. If you do it and THEN think you're ready to follow the plan, you'll discover it doesn't work well.
As has already been stated, you got it off your chest. And I hope you gave your last instructions to everyone. I REALLY hope you are through talking to the OM, b/c that is not how you solve the problem. Even if he does what he said, your W will simply find somebody else to be her "friend". She's had a taste now, and she's going to want more. So you need to buckle down and start doing what works instead of doing what you feel, and stop trying to control everyone.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
