He's Just Not That Into You - The Sequel

[mamabird]

Ugh. This is all starting to feel like one big mind f*ck. My head hurts.

I've gotten a lot of input here, and I'm on my phone right now, so I will do my best.

I've decided to try to just do a 180 and let my H do his "process". This AM I offered again to go through After the Affair with him, with the hopes of me better understanding his hurt and trying to empathize as we explored it together. He took that suggestion as me trying to interfere with his "process." So, I'm going to get a stress ball or something so that I can suppress the urge to open my mouth. Because, after all, I certainly don't deserve to have feelings or an opinion.

The overarching question here is, do I think I will ever have the M that I want? Frankly, I don't see that happening. I am unwilling to continue with the status quo, but on the other hand I feel like I owe it to my children to give my H the benefit of the doubt.

So far though, he hasn't shown much in the way of caring what I think about any of this, and if you asked him, he'd say I'm not respecting his wishes either. I'm definitely pursuing too much and the MC called me out on it. I think my H doesn't know how to compromise and at the moment isn't willing to even try. He may never get there so I have to be prepared for that too.

Breakdown, thanks for the info on the 5 AL's. I will look into that. Too bad my therapist couldn't recommend something like that. And Spartan, your insight about H feeling guilty is probably right on. I know one of the reasons I was not able to support him during our first episode was because I felt guilty.

More later when I am on my computer and can do a better job. By the way I called for coaching today. It's time.