Another Stander - What you said made a lot of sense to me (as usual). I wrote H a letter right when he moved out and one of the things I said was that I considered our old marriage over but I hoped he would someday consider a new one with me. He later agreed that he considered it over. Since then I have thought if he did ever decide to R it would be starting over - we would have to date first. And since he lives away from me and is dating I don't see it as breaking my vows if I dated someone else between now and then. I don't think I'll be ready for a relationship for a long time but would consider a casual date before I was. I do think at some point it would be a nice distraction to the craziness of my relationship with H - just to kinda remind myself that my life can/will be normal again someday.
Brokenhesrt71 Me 40 (for a few more weeks) H 41 M 18 years Ds 12 and 8 BD #1 12/09 R 2/10 ILYBINILWY Sept/12 He moved out Oct/12
I suppose there are plenty of ways to justify dating or not dating while still married, and of course everyones sitch is different. To each their own I guess. Interesting thread.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
And, the thought of dating scares the cr*p out of me. As I said, it's only been less than three months for me and even thought of "dating" H is a little terrifying lol!! I agree with the "new" relationship view as well and that is what I said to H at the beginning too.
I've often daydreamed of dating... of spending time with someone that wants to spend time with me.
But given the state of my situation, I think it would just push W to possible OM.
It's too early in my sitch. And I made a commitment.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
I would date if I found someone to treat me the way I want to be treated. If husband has his OW and you are in the process of D and you meet someone, yes I would. Not sure if I would actively go out and look, but if it happended that I met someone in the produce aisle at Kroger.....I am a great wife and I want to be that again to someone who would appreciate it!
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
Sorry to post and drop out. Two friends died. This year has poured!
I have gone out on dates. Nothing sexual or intimate. But I've found them to be really revealing. It has helped me remember my better, most charming self. It has reminded me that we are social creatures and relationships can be a celebration of our goodness. While it has been only 3 months since my W gave me the boot, there was a very long time preceding it in which my W and I were not our best selves.
It has also helped me see my W more clearly. She has grown so hard and resistant in just the last three months. And seeing that makes me so much less angry at her for leaving.
And - it is fun. And - I kick myself for not doing these dates with my W when I had the chance.
It is all a terrific perspective changer. That said, I am clear with my dates that I'm NOT looking to get married or become intimate.
