Hi, first re boundaries, I read this in another thread (If she won't stop the affair) and thought it was worth posting here:
"Your bottom line about legally protecting yourself is a good point that should be taken into account related to the overall goal. And there are lots of ways of protecting yourself legally and still remaining easily negotiable and saving the marriage.
The DBer should FIRST determine their goal.
We should NOT tell someone what their goal should be and related actions should be decided on based on the DBers Goal.
You talk about statistics and 'the majoritiy' without basis. And about boundaries and follow through. Without respect to what the DBer themselves want and without knowledge about what may work for them except for your idea of what their goal should be to move forward on their own and enforce boundaries whether or not this saves the marriage.
DBing is quite the opposite.
First--the DBer determines the goal FOR THEMSELVES. Then--they break that goal up into smaller goals. Then--they work on the most likely outcome to achieve those goals Setting boundaries is AFTER the Last Resort Technique--meaning when all else fails and you are really really really ready to give up the marriage. In NO WAY is this an early on option for saving the marriage and in fact, it may well END THE MARRIAGE.
There are so many options to try first. Some are spelled out in DR and on this site. dbmod"
Second, just found out today that H is back in touch with the old girlfriend he had an EA with in 2008. They are now FB friends. It feels so hopeless now. This is someone who he had a "passionate" affair with, while she was still married, and then dated after she was divorced. She then cheated on him, not sure why other than that's her thing or maybe she got to see the mean side of him that I had seen (I dated him a few years before she did) and that I have seen since. It feels like I have to start this all over again, meaning it feels as though anything gained is now lost. We are supposed to take our daughter to see The Nutcracker on Ice this weekend. I would like to think he is going to be with me too, but I'm guessing he just wants to be with our daughter, and he should be.
I don't know what to do with this new information, meaning how to process it. Part of me says give up and the other part says continue on the path and fight.
