First time posting but have been following this sitch for awhile. Please bear with me. Would it be effective for a an LBS to make a similar type of statement each morning to a WAS? Seems like that would be different than the DR principles but I am unfortunately new to all of this. Appreciate any insight.
Hey CV, I just wanted to check in and see how your doing? I haven't "Seen" you around lately. I hope that means things are going well for you.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
First time posting but have been following this sitch for awhile. Please bear with me. Would it be effective for a an LBS to make a similar type of statement each morning to a WAS? Seems like that would be different than the DR principles but I am unfortunately new to all of this. Appreciate any insight.
Hi SF00.
First, welcome to the best place to be for an unfortunate reason.
Second, while you have registered in August and only now posted for the first time, suggesting you are reading and learning... I'd really recommend creating your own thread so that members here can directly support you in your own sitch.
Third, speaking to your question above, it first would depend on your unique sitch. There's no "one size fits all" solution. And even though we promote the "37 rules", there is no saying that those guidelines will work... for you. Which is what this is all about.
So, generally speaking, it would not be a good idea for the LBS to speak those words, as the WAS is the one that is leaving and therefore generally does not want to work on the M. They often are well aware that the LBS wants to work on the M and that feels like pressure to the WAS.
And, I don't know that saying those words will help CV's sitch. That's why she will need to try it... be consistent with it... for a period of time to see what the effects might be.
If they are positive, it is likely a good idea to keep doing it.
If it is negative (and it has to be consistently negative over a period of time), then stop doing it.
Hope that helps, good luck with your sitch and as mentioned, start a thread in newcomers and others will be along to help support you.
Hey SS and RLA, thanks for checking in. I haven't been on much the last week, crazy schedule, finals and all.
So for a quick update...
When I last posted, I said that we talked about going through the book together, and H thought it was a good idea and thanked me for asking him. H started reading the book the next day and we went over the first two chapters after S12 went to bed. It was a really good discussion, with each of us offering our own perspectives. We talked for about an hour and a half, and at the end, H said he really enjoyed the discussion. He even ordered his own copy and a workbook that goes along with it. That seemed encouraging to me.
Unfortunately, he hasn't picked up the book again since. It's been over a week. He's mentioned it numerous times, how he needs to get back into it, but then turns on the tv or does something else instead.
I'm disappointed, but I'm fine with it. I read the book for me. It really has done a lot to change my attitude. I've been able to put some things behind us (me) because I can see what I did wrong in the past and can choose to do differently in the future. I don't need to depend upon him to change the things that I can change. Like reading the book. If he doesn't read it, his loss.
I've done a pretty good job of complimenting him everyday, in different ways about different things so it didn't seem like it was rehearsed. He receives it well. I'll keep doing it but I'm not really even sure what it's going to do, so I don't know how to determine if I should keep doing it based up whether "it works." But it's not hard to do, so I'll keep at it.
Other than that, I've just been really busy with commitments. It helps keep my mind off of things.
One strange thing. I have a desire to touch my H, just in affectionate ways, like a backrub or a hand on his arm. But I don't want him to do the same to me right now. Curious.
Hey CV, glad you're still out there and still trying things.
Quote:
I've done a pretty good job of complimenting him everyday, in different ways about different things so it didn't seem like it was rehearsed.
I strongly hope that you'll continue that practice for a the amount of time you specified. 6 weeks straight was it??
Peace,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
So, is it reasonable that I don't have any desire to go through the book with H anymore? His disinterest in it has really taxed my own interest. It's like trying to play a game of tennis with someone that won't put down their cell phone. Or like dressing up in a sexy nightie but he won't take his eyes off the television. I have no expectations of him to change to meet my schedule, but I don't really feel compelled to operate by his either. He doesn't remember what he read or what we talked about before. We'd have to start over again. I'm not really sure I can see any value in his lax approach to it, and so I no longer imagine it providing any real opportunity for us. I have witnessed his interest/investment and it's rather unflattering. I just want to say "nevermind."
Too bad, too, because I was looking forward to it initially.
Don't give up CV. Be the best you, you can be. Maybe he can learn from your PMA.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
