You are so new to the rollercoaster and it will take some time before you actually get to a point where the "waves" will not disturb you.
What helped me was putting a rubberband on my wrist and each time I had one of those moments, I would snap the rubberband. The sting would bring my mind right back to where it needed to be...on my wrist! If you don't want to try that, I would suggest that you find something else to focus on. The waves of hurt and sadness will come and go for a long time, allow those feelings to wash over you and then let it go.
There is no guessing as to the rhyme or reason as to why mlcers do what they do. Keep your expectations at zero. Who knows, she may not have anything bad to discuss. You have to learn to think positive and leave the negative feelings at the door.
The journey of mlc is not for the faint of heart. Dig deeper for patience, think positive, have faith and try to stay positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
