hope you love her, cause you're stuck with her now

[MichelleLT]

No, it doesn't work. And no, it's not likely he'll change.

The easiest thing to do is NC.

Trying to actually have a relationship, that's hard. Even trying to think of things to talk to him about is ridiculously hard. Can't talk about dating anyone because then I'll get the third degree on that and wondering if I'm ever going to remarry and when I'm going to have kids. Can't talk about the holiday parties or going wine tasting with my friends or anything because then I'll get the lecture about how alcoholism runs in his side of the family and I shouldn't be drinking at all. If I talk about the house, I either spent too much or not enough or did it the way he absolutely wouldn't have done it.

I was talking to my sister about the situation and she told me that I should try and get past caring about his opinion, and that if I don't feel that he's judging me maybe I'd have an easier time talking to him and ignoring his comments. I pointed out that it's not about whether I feel like he's judging us, he IS and he has no problem saying so, or better yet passive agressively sending out mass e-mails in which he fails to say who prompted the e-mail but hopes the semi-public guilt trip will change the behavior. And everything we fail to do is a personal affront to him, he often makes comments that he failed as a parent or obviously failed to get through to us.

I guess I just don't even know what to talk about with him besides the weather. I'm certainly not sure what to do about his birthday - I wouldn't know what to get him, but I'm also still pissed about the fact that he didn't call, send a card/e-card, present, even a text message for my birthday, so I'm tempted to ignore his birthday.