Well said eyesopen!!! There seem to be some varying opinions on what dropping the rope is, but my personal view of it is mostly the same as yours. You verbalized it quite nicely!
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Personally from the beginning I knew I would not be angry
I knew anger was one of the phases of grief, so I expected to be angry at some point. But it never did happen. I never did feel anger towards my W, maybe because I knew she was hurting and suffering too. I think it's easy for the LBS to assume that everything is great for the WAS, but that's rarely the case. They're in great pain too.
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It is the final part of detachment, when we are not worried about everything we say, or how we act around our spouses. Our 180's have become part of who we are, our self-confidence and self-respect are stronger than ever, we are ourselves again, hopefully with some upgrades.
Yes, exactly! Early after BD I definitely felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time, and I had to stop and think about what my 180's were several times a day. The 180's have just become part of me now and I'm no longer on guard all the time. It also helped when my W moved out because I didn't feel like I had to think about every little thing I was doing anymore.
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I am working towards dropping the rope with no intention of giving up hope, or moving on.
That's an interesting take, I think for me dropping the rope means I am moving on and leaving hope behind. I don't want to say "giving up" hope because I don't see it as giving up, rather it's letting go of the hope so that I can completely move on (when that time comes).
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So dropping the rope does not mean you're done, does not mean you quit, it means that your heart is back open for business, and you are willing to risk the heartbreak again.
A big question mark in my life is whether I can ever fully trust a woman again. Even my wife. I just don't know if I can ever completely take down that wall again. I'm not saying I can't have a meaningful R, but I think I'll always be wary of this happening again and will never totally drop my guard. I just don't know right now.
