People are who they are and you except them because their family, good friends, good people, because despite their short comings, there is an overall reason to have them in your life.
i feel like that too. my mother doesn't get it. she's unable or unwilling to grasp the concept. if i had to guess- she's soooo used to venting and using her kids as listening devices (i'm not saying people for a reason) - the she's unable to treat us like normal people deserving of courtesy or even just neutral interaction. it's all about "getting a rise" out of some poor sap and then blaming them. i think it's amazingly satisfactory for her as a mother because she of all people can really hurt someone (of us) - and does.
i get it she might need to feel some "power" now that she's ancient and invisible in the eyes of society. not my problem tho- she's managing to aleinate the very only few people who give a darn and stop by. i'm the only one really that she EVER sees. if i didn't call in a day- she wouldn't use her voice- how sad and icky is that????? YET - she feuds with my younger sister here in town. she's nuts to be going down this road- one of these days i'll throw in the towel too- it's too hard to have to fight fight fight and defend oneself.
i've been trying db with her also- as you said- but it's slow going and i need to get out some book and remind myself every single morning where i'm heading with it all. she just knows the buttons to push- and doesn't hesitate. she had a resounding success day before yesterday- actually made me cry and hasn't done that in several years. i was so surprised ( i always am- am i nuts or what???) at her stinking attack- she even threw in (like your mom or what?) that i was like the hated grandmother & sat on my butt forever being a bum because i haven't worked for past 10 or so years- and that i never worked as hard as everyone else (duhhh- what about those 25 years as a legal secretary?) gone apparently in her old head- then she got going about my ex husband and what a jerk i was to marry him- oh man- she pulled out all the stops. I swear - she resents me and hates me probably because I "haven't had it as hard as her" - i mean, how wierd, i'm her kid and i always thought mothers are supposed to want their kids to have it easier than them??? not her maybe- she wants every one to suffer badly and know how bad she feels, etc.
it doesn't sound so bad when i'm saying it to you - i don't know how the heck i could be surprised when she rips my head off for no reason- one would htink i'd be on my guard at all times. i guess i didn't serve her her tea quick enough or something- or use the right china. i am such a sap and a stinking doormat to her- it's quite icky . i feel icky and feel bad about myself and what the heck makes me not stay on my guard more - I just forget and don't think about it- and then there she is , and i'm making tea and finding something to eat- and she's sharpening her claws!!! i need to really really get tough here and MAKE BOUNDARIES. SOMEHOW.
what is it with these women????
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Oh, and she still to this day, hates that I was a stay home mom!
i know- jealous of one's daughter- how sad isn't it? what does she care by the way?
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I know you can't trust your h, he may never earn that again. But, one day you will find that others don't have to pay for his mistakes.
I hope you are right - and i don't "go there". found myself in the post office speculating about a ebay buyer- and being kind of negative - and had to stop and un-say it. i do not want to be like that(this) - suspicious and so forth. it's awful and i have a notion that if you let it go- it could swallow you whole. helllllppppp..... how the heck to safeguard one's "spirit" from misfortune that makes it feel the need to cover up and keep safe inside. don't know. am trying to watch what i say and feel and think. need to nip this all in the bud.
true about H tho, it all boils down to - lying - instead of just communicating or being honest. how to trust or believe in the intrinsic "goodness" of a person once you've found out they are a bit fat liar? or even that they are soooo self-serving that nobody comes first - not me - not no one- just him on his throne up there on mount olympus. a sad and sorry thought.
HEYYYY- I WANT A LID TOO! LOVE that mental picture. my "lid" blowing up and off and away!!! i hope you're rite and we all have a lid out there. what if he was my only "lid" and even tho he turned out to be a total rat- that was my only chance? i know it's negative and dopey- but realistically- there are so many people alone and searching- who is to even say we get second and third chances??? my mother - is very big on saying "3 strikes you're out" - about us all. isn't that crappy? i can remember her saying it to my younger sister- GOD - this woman never ever got the notion that you stand behind your kids and lend support.
she's more like you try and cointinually trip them to see if you can- then have a laugh at their stupidity when they don't see it coming next time. i can't believe im saying that - it's so ratty- but i think it's something like true. she's just got problems of her own i guess. i'm glad i never ever saw how petty & ratty she was- and i guess h too. maybe i've lived in my own dreamland for the past 60 years. a shame to find out now- i could have happily gone on thinking everyone was nice and i was happy for another bunch of years til i kick the bucket.
oh well- reality huh? gets you in the end.
okay = back to the ya4rd and some lights 'i'm putting up since it's nice and mild- they're fighting me every inch of the way- but will be perky in the dark. i like houses that are decorated. even if'i' m not feeling too darn perky- i can spruce up around here- maybe it will rub off.
i hope you're having a nice day- try and not let you momma get you down- some mothers are just unable to be what we think mothers are- oh well huh?
i'm soooo like you that my h was my family (& life. still don't know if that was good or bad- maybe it just has no classification- just who i am. was - oh well.
xxoo ((( ))) deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la, .....
