Sunny, I'm sorry she didn't acknowledge the anniversary. I hope that you kept your expectations in check at zero so that you weren't too disappointed. No matter how she reacted to the flowers, you did the right thing for you. She can never say that you didn't acknowledge the day, if she ever wakes up.
I think what Soul.Searching meant by the comment "happiness is just around the corner for you, if you choose it" is that only you can decide if and when to get off the mlc train and live your life to the fullest. Only you can determine when you've had enough and ready to move on w/o her.
Sunny, its time to think about what YOU want to do w/your life. You can leave the door ajar, but it's time to think about living your life to the fullest, i.e., as if she were never going to return.
So, question of the day...what are your plans for the weekend?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sunny,I'm sorry she didn't acknowledge the anniversary. I hope that you kept your expectations in check at zero so that you weren't too disappointed. No matter how she reacted to the flowers, you did the right thing for you. She can never say that you didn't acknowledge the day, if she ever wakes up.I think what Soul.Searching meant by the comment "happiness is just around the corner for you, if you choose it" is that only you can decide if and when to get off the mlc train and live your life to the fullest. Only you can determine when you've had enough and ready to move on w/o her. Sunny, its time to think about what YOU want to do w/your life. You can leave the door ajar, but it's time to think about living your life to the fullest, i.e., as if she were never going to return. So, question of the day...what are your plans for the weekend?
Today I worked with my FIL installing our new kitchen we completely gutted it and instulated it and got up most of the sheetrock - then we had dinner together with my inlaws.
Tomorrow we are going to church then to the 9-11 memorial in the city then to Rockafellar center to see the tree and lunch at the Carnagie deli --
Thanks for all you help - I have set a re-evaluation date of 1/29/2013 with my therapist -- so I will ride the MLC train till at least then --
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
FWIW, my W did not acknowledge our anniversary or the card I made for her until months later. I also found the card stashed away with other things from me when I was cleaning one day, so she did keep it and read it...so don't take it personally, they just can't deal with these things as it reminds them of the past, and heaven forbid they might actually remember something positive about us that would challenge their current belifs...
I think setting dates and goals helps, now you do not have to spend any brain energy on "deciding"...spend that energy on being and creating a better YOU! Hang in there!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
As a follow on to T's comment about the card...mlcers tend to keep cards, letters, emails, wrapping paper and ribbons that packages from in from us. They may not acknowledge what we have done for them in the here and now, but they do keep the things that we give them. I imagine if a card was w/the flowers, that card and vase will be stowed away for safekeeping for a long time.
Don't allow her actions to deter you from continuing on your journey and having a bit of fun along the way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yesterday we went to the city to see the 9/11 memorial and the Rockefellar Christmas tree with her parents, she is distant and condisending to me the whole day and we come home her girlfriend Genine called and now we are getting to a new level because she was talking about Raul right in front of me and her parents -- she said she if I am gonna have a relationship with him it has to be more than that -- RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND HER PARENTS AND MY SON !!! -- She then starts discussing going out New Years Eve to see this band the Benjamins (Genine is in love with the lead singer) she said maybe the lead singer will finally give Genine a big kiss on NY's eve - open marriages so wonderful.
I go to the gym this morning -- I get home - she tells me that the 401K money she borrowed has to be penilized because she stopped working there and can't pay it back via payments -- but of course I have to be understanding kind and loving -- I said why are you screaming at me - I said did I do this -- she said no but I am pissed --- I am fuming about all this how do I reward her - I go and get her cigarettes this morning cuz she is not dressed -- what is the matter with me -- I continue to be an [censored] -- But I try to be a husband only a fool would leave --
Being detached and unreactive is very hard let me tell you --
Thank God I am swamped at work so I will be busy today with that.
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Don't allow her actions to deter you from continuing on your journey and having a bit of fun along the way.
I just don't understand why after 8 months she hasn't filed or even seen a lawyer. I hate being here - I don't know why I a still Dbing but I always seem to convince myself to keep going on with this madness - We spend every Sunday together I was thinking maybe I should start not doing this anymore -- we go to church and shop or doing something fun as a family - you guys think I should stop doing this. I doesn't bother me I love it but can her actions don't cost her anything so why should she stop them - does that make sense.
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
This morning we discussing the kitchen cabinets my MIL suggested we add an additional cabinet to the other side of the kitchen.
She said if someone else buys the house they won't want that - I said someone else IS going to buy this house - I don't know why it just slipped out of my mouth -- did I make a big mistake by reacting to her ???
Thanks
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Sunny, Let the slip up go and continue moving forward. There are going to be times when things just pop out. It wasn't nasty, just a comment to hers.
Keep moving forward and try not to worry over every thing you say and do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
