Abolutely agree - I was a total nag and just wanted my old husband back. And did not understand at all that my methods were just making things worse. I have only been aware of Divorce Busters for about 2 weeks - so in that time I have been working on it.
Good, just be patient as it takes a lot of time for the DB techniques to have an affect on the spouse. And don't beat yourself up over the things you did wrong, the idea behind DB is to evaluate what you were doing wrong and enthusiastically do 180's on those things. It's not about guilt-tripping.
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Thanks you for your comments dawn marie. He's still very confusing to me - I still see lots of signs of MLC, but as AnotherStander pointed out, I had become quite the nag - and pretty demanding as well. And a pouter when I didn't get my way lol.
Don't spend too much time trying to "diagnose" him because the DB approach is pretty much the same regardless of whether he's MLC or WAH. With time you'll know, especially if he starts going monster. And whatever you do, DO NOT suggest to him that he may be MLC! If you do that he'll hear you saying "this is all your fault, there's something wrong with you that needs to be fixed." Right now he blames you for his unhappiness, so you need to own your part in that and show him you can change.
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Interesting turn of events this morning though - guess who is now checking MY phone records?! Yep. I'm assuming (that gets me in trouble, I know) that it's because I've been working on giving him space - not asking about anything, only contacting when he contacts me first and keeping things short.
Good, what that tells you is your detachment is working. He's wondering what you're up to and why you're suddenly acting different. Just remember that detachment is about giving him space, so don't be cold, rude or indifferent to him, just pull back.
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And it gave me an opportunity to inquire about the new 25 yo, which I told him I have known about for awhile but had not said anything. He says he's known her for a long time but isn't atttracted to her at all.
There are emotional affairs as well as physical ones, and EA's are just as damaging. Many people in EA's will swear up and down that they're not in an A and/ or that they don't even like the other person.
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I assured him that I would not be involved with other men
Don't tell him that. Be mysterious!
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that I have told him where I stand with us and that I will be here until he figures things out
Don't tell him that either! If you tell a WAS that you're sitting around waiting for them, then they'll string you along forever. They have to think there is at least a possibility of losing you. Again, be mysterious! Tell him that YOU need the time and space too! YOU need to think about things too! Don't make it all about him! Don't give him all the control!
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18 months, etc - I can't imagine.
I'm almost 6 months in and wouldn't have imagined I'd make it that long. Just take it one day at a time and don't try to figure out what the total timeline is because it varies a lot.
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Right now I want him to see that I am still that independant girl, that I don't have to have him around, I like having him around. I've been keeping busy doing a lot of things in the house.
Great, yes, that's what you want him to think and see. Try to do more stuff out of the house too.
