About the drugs, it would be important if in fact he is using because your kids go there for visitation. You can's control him but you can try to make sure your kids are in a safe environment.
Detaching from your kids is difficult. What happened with your son is sobering but can be helpful to him if he understands where his choices led him.
Being the controller that I have been in the past, I've needed to learn many lessons. (Some I need to be reminded of over and over.)
What I've learned: It's my role to model behavior, provide a supportive environment and be open, respectful and nonjudgmental when they want to talk. And always ask more questions, not to interrogate but to understand.
Good luck.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
