Has he told you what taking responsibility for your extra marital Rs would look like to him? If yes, is it reasonable? If no, ask him what else you are supposed to do.
Did you drill down at all into the lack of autonomy he feels? Is this at all related to him pushing you away when you try to be loving and responsive? Maybe he doesn't want loving and responsive from you at the moment. Maybe he thinks he wants to be left alone to feel sorry for himself and justify his anger. I'd say let him have what he wants and figure out if he really does want it. You be true to you. Clearly your needs aren't being met in your marriage, apart maybe from a need to be needed.
Since doing things "as if" everything is fine doesn't seem to be pulling any gains these days, maybe try acting "as if" you're agreeing to what he wants and moving on with your life.
If i recall correctly your H has always been somewhat cold and punishing. You had your extra marital Rs because your needs weren't being met. Does he understand this? Does he care enough to see this or own it? Do you think he can ever be the husband you need? Does he see that he too needs to change? Is he capable of seeing this? Is he capable of changing?
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
