Finally approaching the starting line!

[eyesopen]

So I have been coming across some posts recently that have been talking a lot about dropping the rope. I would like to share my take on what that actually means to me.

First of all I don't think it is a decision that you choose to make all of a sudden, because nothing else seems to be getting your spouse any closer. It is not the same as waking up and deciding to have cereal instead of toast for breakfast. It is not a ploy or a tactic to get your spouse to return either. It is the natural progression of detaching, GAL, and acting as if.

I think that as our 180's become part of us, and as we become better people, better parents, and better friends, we really start to become happy again. That choice we made when we discovered this site, or decided to not let anger control us, that choice to be happy regardless of what anyone else does or says, was just a choice. We still had work to do to actually be happy. Personally from the beginning I knew I would not be angry, and that I was in charge of my happiness. Does that mean I was happy, hell no. A person can't lose 30 lbs in 1.5 months, sleep 3.5 hrs. a night and really be happy.

Our gift is time and we can either continue to worry about our S, or ourselves. I think that when we focus on ourselves we naturally get to the point of dropping the rope. It is the final part of detachment, when we are not worried about everything we say, or how we act around our spouses. Our 180's have become part of who we are, our self-confidence and self-respect are stronger than ever, we are ourselves again, hopefully with some upgrdes.

I say that I don't think it is a ploy or a tactic because I think just because you have dropped the rope, that doesn't mean you have moved on, or even want to move on. I am working towards dropping the rope with no intention of giving up hope, or moving on. I am looking to cut all ties to my old R, to really focus on myself and my children, but as long as I am more than casually emotiionally invested in my w actions, I will have a hard time focusing on myself and my children.

AnotherStander said something about not ever being completely emotionally uninvolved with your S. I completely agree, we have shared so much with them, sometimes children, sometimes not, but we all are here because we care enough to continue to stand and hope for a brighter future.

So dropping the rope does not mean you're done, does not mean you quit, it means that your heart is back open for business, and you are willing to risk the heartbreak again. You are ready to really start living again, hopefully with new tools to make your next R more amazing then you ever thought possible.