Tori, I was stationed in Groton CT for a bit, my son was born in New london. I have not been back since 1991, it is beautiful up there.
Well, I am in Tampa for work this week. Today was a rough day for me. While flying down here I realized that my wife and I most likely will never travel on vacation again. We have been on many amazing vacations together. I tried going to the beach and looking for souvenirs but my heart just could not stand being there by myself. I wound up going to a bar and grill right on the beach. I had one beer and two tacos and just relaxed a little. Came back to the hotel room and made it a point to give my brain a chance to relax, yep I took a nap (it was a nice 1/2 hour nap). I spoke with a friend at church and he encouraged me a lot. This guy and I have not spoken much until now. I told him about my sitch and he has really been there for me.
So now as I sit here looking at the lights across the bay (a beautiful view) I am contemplating what I want out of life. What dreams do I want?!?! My dreams have changed over the years due to my wife (not necessarily a bad thing) but they have changed. I am not sure what my dreams are any more. I was 21 when I married my W, a child in all ways. A reinvention of me is in order. I KNOW I want to be completely debt free (including my house), this has been my dream for years. The freedom that represents is huge and life changing. I will sit down after the first of the year and see where I am and where I need to be. I will stay in my current house until my daughter graduates from middle school cause if I move she will have to change schools.
Second thing I did was send a text to my boss asking him to call me cause I want to discuss MY dreams and future with his company. I am currently the service manager and i need to figure out what I want and how to get there. I really appreciate the company I work for but also need to plan for the future.
Third thing is I want to start my own business with rental property. This will be a process as I want to be completely debt free and achieve this goal. I can do this and i am going to start asking for help and guidance (a 180 for me) from people I know who have "done these types of things".
I am starting to see a future without my wife and I don't necessarily like it but have to make it. My stomach still hurts and my heart says to curl up and quit. My brain says to live and be productive. My soul says to serve God and trust in him to have a plan to use my pain for his glory.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
