Terry, there is no way to answer those questions today. Yeah, she's mixed up right now, and you're in depression, but where will you and her be a few months from now?
My advice is give it some time. Don't worry about the long term answers right now, just focus on you and D today. Let some time go by before you decide to give up on your wife. There really is no good reason to rush this.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I am feeling lonely today. I tried to stay busy after school by visiting friend where I used to work. Now im home for the night, D and I have a puzzle we are working on, hope that will take my mind off of things.
I am wondering if I want her back for the right reasons. I have my doubts whether she will stop sneaking around behind my back. I don't know if her obsession with having sex with others will stop. I wonder if I want her back so bad is because I am afraid to be alone and start over. I wonder if I am afraid to raise a child by myself, and I don't think I can do it alone. I am wondering whether having her back will be the best thing for my daughter, or if it will do more damage.
Sorry being depressed today, didn't get much sleep last night and I have a full day of classes.
Those are good questions you asked of yourself, regarding your fears of why or if you really want your W back, or just the familiarity of the M.
As far as raising your child, i have 100 % custody, not by court order, but because my W moved out and deserted our S-9 with me. It's a task, but he is a good kid and we fare pretty well so far, since the W last was home on February 16th of this year. But, for all intents and purposes, i have been the sole parent for the past 4 years, because my W disengaged from most all family activities when her own mom took ill and passed away, triggering a relapse from AA and a change of thought process. What had been written by her just 2 months prior to her mom getting sick is not her current perspective.
Be patient.
Think before saying anything.
Will what you say or do move the M closet to R or pull it farther away?
You need to callous up for all the punches to the gut that are still to come.
Act with indifferent kindness and not outwardly lovingly, as that will push her farther away.
Ed
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
I have a question for anyone brave enough to answer it. I broke down and asked the W for sex. I have been so lonely for physical touch and I refuse to cheat on anyone. She said she will think about it but probably yes. She needed to check her schedule first. I didn't put any love or affection in the request, just sex.
Is this a mistake that will bite me in the backside, or is it OK as long as she agrees?
Am I Too Late, patience is not one of my virtues. It is one of the issues W has with me. I try but when I don't see immediate results or signs of my actions working I get discouraged and do or say something stupid. This is something I have had to deal with my whole life. I have not been able to concur it as of yet.
Asking for sex and having it will be a mistake in the current situation. But now that you've asked it's better to follow through unless W tries to evade it - then I wouldn't push.
Work on your patience, that's an important 180 for you.
I have a question for anyone brave enough to answer it. I broke down and asked the W for sex. I have been so lonely for physical touch and I refuse to cheat on anyone. She said she will think about it but probably yes. She needed to check her schedule first. I didn't put any love or affection in the request, just sex.
Is this a mistake that will bite me in the backside, or is it OK as long as she agrees?
Bad move in my opinion. It will only get your hopes up, it won't change her mind.
Do you really want pity sex? It doesn't make you look strong.
Don't trade your goal of having a full time wife back for a few crumbs of sex. You want her to come back because she wants you, not because you cried and she felt sorry for you. That will never work long term.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
So now that you asked her don't bring it up again. If she does, just politely refuse. (that'll get her thinking!) You want her to think you're doing fine without her. Eventually, you actually will be, and she might come back.
Think long term here. You just entered a marathon.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
