3 Years after D-Day, part 2. Separated 9 Months.

[Am I Too Late]

Yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of my W's mother going into the hospital and then being placed in a coma before she eventually passed away 2 1/2 months later.

My W has a hard time with those eventful dates that turned her life upside down.

Should i acknowledge that with a message to her to offer empathy?

Or, would i just be a reminder that dark period?

That is the preceding event that led to her alcohol relapse and subsequent affairs.

Ed

I did not contact her to empathize with that 4 year anniversary date of her mother going into the hospital. She may have pushed that out of her mind and I could have only reminded her of that trauma on her life.

I went to the movie theater yesterday instead of going to the library as planned. We saw, "Wreck It Ralph", which was very good entertainment.

Well, W had "Promised" that she would assist financially, even with an amount that was very negligible, but her $75.00 did not rank highly enough to follow through woth, but she was at a bar till closing time.

I wonder if the lack of response o get here is due to my situation seeming so hopeless, or if i have not demonstrated enough GAL activities yet.

I do personally need help and encouragement to get through this and move forward to get on with my life.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Ed think about this saying and its for you not your sitch. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Lots of advice given in your threads snd most of it ignored.

[Am I Too Late]

Ed think about this saying and its for you not your sitch. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Lots of advice given in your threads snd most of it ignored.

Leo, i felt that i was making progress, by doing some adult things with others and trying to detach by not making any contact unless related to our S.

So, from an outsiders opinion, are you saying i have not improved on following previous advice?

I was really thinking i have made some minor progress. Baby steps can learn to take bigger steps.
Thanks for stopping by too. It helps.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Today is 7 days since W and i had any contact at all. For some reason, i was more emotional yesterday than i have felt in quite a while. Well, today is a new day. Lets see if i do better.

I am making an appointment to try to sell a job after noon today and have court for zoning ordinance violations at my commercial property that is for sale.

I helped out a friend yesterday and Monday and that usually picks up my spirits.

My S made a comment about some show, where the mother was being denied visitation due to a drug addiction and said, "Well, at least mommy still visits sometimes."

Too bad for him that she didn't show up or call for watching his Monday night karate class. I'll never be able to understand that on her part, but at least i am doing my end of being a parent.

That's all for now. I just wanted to journal and catch up for the past couple of days.

I do not plan on enabling her to force her or guilt her to act like a mother. The inconsistency is the most consistent action about her, sad to say.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

It's now been 9 days since any contact from my W, even to our S-9.

I really feel that the new AD meds, named Pristique, is doing some good. For over 3 years in a row, my thoughts had continued to be overwhelming, but now are still there, but without feeling like they take me over.

I got my S back on schedule for school after the 9 day Thanksgiving Holiday break. Last week, i met with his Teacher for P-T conference. His timed math tests and reading facts scores went down significantly since the beginning of the school year.

Yesterday i received a call from a marriage weekend retreat that o inquired about some time ago and it hurts to hear how other couples with much worse initial circumstances healed their M. That's not for us, plus too expensive and too far.

I did deliver a real good bid yesterday for a decent sized exterior renovation job, but the property owner wants to wait till spring time to decide.

For the 1st time in a while, i have gone the entire week without going out of my way to find out anything about my W. It does sadden me very much though, on hoe a mom can desert her only child, both physically and emotionally. I know, that's on her, not me, but it still is disappointing to me for our S.

I have things to clean up at my property for sale over the weekend, so i should be kept busy.

Just keeping myself focussed on moving forward seems so bleak right now because of how i became unable to think about anything other than keeping our M and family together, all for naught now it seems. Get out of myself and do something positive. Keep moving forward. Get something done.

Time to go.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Nothing has gone on recently. It is now Sunday and me and my son are cleaning up the living room to move things around to make room to set up our Christmas Tree. He is really looking forward to having it set up.

My W still has not made any contact at all since her visit with our son the day before Thanksgiving. That makes 12 days since she had even spoken with our boy.

That also means she avoided contact to miss out on her promised child support payment. I called the county bar association and a non profit legal assistance aide entity and they could offer no help. I guess i am going to have to file pro se to seek child support. I dread that, even though i am knowledgeable about the laws, but not the actual motions.

Immediately after his karate class yesterday morning, since she didn't show up to watch him again, same as Monday evening, i drove past the bar she goes to, and sure enough, at 11:40 am, her car was in the parking lot, either drinking very early or left there from the previous night.

I am quiting doing those drove by check ups. It does me no good, unless that would need yo come up someday on court, for child custody and visitation.

Other than that, i am focusing better and will eliminate wondering what she is doing.

Alcoholism is so destructive and changes people. I never want that to happen to me again. So, i went to an extra meeting for myself this past week, instead of my typical 3 and went to a 4th meeting.

I think my future posts will be less wife-centric and more about what i am doing for myself and my son.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

Well, yesterday we didn't get the tree up due to having an old friend come pick up another Harley, so he can work on it with me to get it running and spiffed up to get it in shape to sell.

My son has been exceptionally affectionate with me lately, but he and I always have been that way, ever since he was born.

W still hasn't called or shown up at S-9's karate class. That's all i will mention about her.

I think i am making personal detachment progress, but i have been so stuck with oneitis for so long it probably is harder, since i didn't start doing this 3 years and 3 months ago.

I guess there is no reason to get any feedback since W is so completely out of contact, so i will just keep journaling my status and hopeful growth towards independence.

Ed

Ed think about this saying and its for you not your sitch. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Lots of advice given in your threads snd most of it ignored.

Leo, i felt that i was making progress, by doing some adult things with others and trying to detach by not making any contact unless related to our S.

So, from an outsiders opinion, are you saying i have not improved on following previous advice?

I was really thinking i have made some minor progress. Baby steps can learn to take bigger steps.
Thanks for stopping by too. It helps.

Ed

[complicated]

Ed,

I think alot of us on here don't have the issue of the alcoholic spouse so I for one don't know what kind of advice to give. I know that Al Anon is supposed to be really good for dealing with issues for people dealing with alcoholism.

On a different note, I have been in my sitch for about 3 years and living separately for about 8 months so I get not giving up. I don't know if dealing with an alcoholic changes things but it wasn't until my 180's and GAL that my situation started making progress.

Maybe try attending thoses meetings more regularly. Not only will you learn more about the issues you are facing, you will also be meeting new people and socializing.

Keep your head up for both you and your son. Eventually he may say something to her about not seeing her much. It won't mean anything coming from you but if/when he says it she may get it. I know you are really concerned about your son, but you can only control you and your relationship with him.

[Am I Too Late]

Ed,

I think alot of us on here don't have the issue of the alcoholic spouse so I for one don't know what kind of advice to give. I know that Al Anon is supposed to be really good for dealing with issues for people dealing with alcoholism.

On a different note, I have been in my sitch for about 3 years and living separately for about 8 months so I get not giving up. I don't know if seeking with an alcoholic changes things but it wasn't until my 180's and GAL that my situation started making progress.

Maybe try attending thoses meetings more regularly. Not only will you learn more about the issues you are facing, you will also be meeting new people and socializing.

Keep your head up for both you and your son. Eventually he may say something to her about not seeing her much. It won't mean anything coming from you but if/when he says it she may get it. I know you are really concerned about your son, but you can only control you and your relationship with him.

Thank you Sooo much for stopping by Complicated.

It gets very isolating when i am the only one posting on my thread for about a week.

I commented on your thread too, especially since our total time frames seem to be so similar.

My S's school district is on strike, so he had to go with me to my IC session today and now i am waiting for his weekly Catechism class to get done.

We enjoyed a nice escape to a restaurant last night and then hit an AA meeting, where he did his homework and daily reading assignment.

This afternoon, after IC, we spent time sorting and folding socks and other laundry to clean off a pile on our reclining chair that needs to be moved to set up the Christmas Tree.

Ed

[longrun]

Hi Am I Too Late,

Don't worry about people not posting on your thread for a week. I haven't had any posts on my thread for two months now. It's ok, I have detached from the detaching :-)

You can be proud of how you are there for your son. Continue on your journey through life with him. All the best.