Originally Posted By: Grace_O
Hey LMF,


Stop snooping. It doesn't help you. It just makes for the crazy what if's.

Putting your focus on the who, what, where's of what he's doing will make you spin too. As hard as it is to do, let it go. I'm not advocating letting him walk all over you, but why go looking to put yourself right under the boot?

I know you want to "fix" things and you may be thinking that putting it all on the table continually will help him hear you and feel the pain he's caused. It won't. It comes off as nagging and then he hears nothing. The man is not stupid. He knows how much you hurt. He's also hurting.

Everything does not have to be spoken. What can you show him? What do you want him to see?

Also, what is your interpretation if he is MLC vs something else?
Does it give you more hope less, what does that mean for you?

HUGS



Thanks Grace. In my mind, MLC would make things a little more hopeless. Seems like it could last longer and I absolutely could not trust what appears to be progress at times. Whereas, if he left because he really just need to figure things out, the DB might work faster. Make sense?

Right now I want him to see that I am still that independant girl, that I don't have to have him around, I like having him around. I've been keeping busy doing a lot of things in the house. I also try to not be so schedule oriented (I'm an engineer and a creature of habit lol), which is a 180 for me. My daughter and I have been going places after daycare, etc instead of straight home.

Not snooping is hard - but I'm getting better at controlling the urge smile I do realize that it does me no good, always just makes me feel worse. As I put above, he's kind of the scooper right now. Still trying to figure all of that out but really don't want to drive myself crazy there either. Going about my business.