He believed it was because he was 'too nice', 'too moral' in his business dealings and got taken advantage of again and again. He vowed never to be like that again.
What worries me is that he'll never feel right about himself again until he 'achieves' materially. And realistically, that is unlikely to happen.
Exactly how my H feels to the core of his being. Never, ever, ever, will he be the good guy again, why should he, being good got him nowhere while a$$wholes have moved ahead of him in "all" aspects of life.
Your right achieving material "showings" is his goal as well, he vows to one day slap $70,000 on my table to make up for our loss in equity, and in the same breath says, I know this is all stupid!
Then he calms down saying that holding on to his anger, and ''asswholism'' is how he prevents himself from going back into depression. Now that helps really me see the truth behind the curtain.
He has been mentally marking the last days of dep. and how often it returns. As it dwindles he is attributing it more and more to the fact that his anger is the magic pill.
He says through the anger he smokes, acts rebellious to God, and enjoys the sneak around when he hangs w/ea. Doesn't let his "weakness'' of L for me, or family or rules dictate the angry evil he needs to avoid ever being taken advantage of again.
He does believe as long as he works and isn't having a PA I should leave him alone. I don't have a problem with that, he will one day have his consequences to face and maybe even find he lost his family, he vowed to not loose.
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your H seems to be having major insights, so maybe he will pull through this and come out the other side a better man
I really don't understand why my H is such a jabber jaws about all this...he really does talk a lot. Maybe he's manic...the C said his mind is just moving way to fast.
Your words to God's ears...I don't think so though, he speaks with such conviction and certainty. I would be interesting to hear from someone who's S spoke out during this and if it made any difference.
After he enlightens me or anyone else with what's in his brain he sometimes says, I'm enjoying screaming this out! Release, narcissism, manic, crazy, whatever it is he's convinced.
Thanks, NLW we are definitely stronger than we know!!!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
